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Before my pen even outlines his dirty, filthy Dilbert clothing, I draw the Dilbert naked first. To preserve his essence. To preserve his purity.
If you get stuck in a pose and you know you can't get out of it without queefing, simply stay in that pose for the rest of eternity.
I know you have people knocking down your door to have you read stuff. That's why I propose the opposite: I want to read my book to you. Would you like that, Susan?
In order to respect the artist's privacy, I can't disclose his/her name. However, I can describe in detail the piece of paper I found outlining their tour requests.
You've all seen Melania being cold to me. No hand holding, eye rolls, ignoring, walking separately, bad, bad. But I'm not upset because at least the American people still love me.
"It’s just a trend," say the naysayers, "they’ll fade as fast as Pogs." Well let me tell you something you squashers of sunshine: I'm not a goddamn milk cap, I'm the milk.
Cults get a bad rap these days, but they're actually pretty fun once you get used to the smell... and me, I'm always around.
"cAr™ doesn't seat humans." This has always been front-and-center in the cAr™ design philosophy. Try it for only $1,695 a month and $70,995 for the basic cAr™.
"Never bottle up your confusion. Think out loud. An effective way to communicate your muddled beliefs is Twitter." -Kisha P., Police Desk Sergeant
For generations, all of dogkind has pondered the age-old question: Who is a good dog? Is it me? Is it? Is it??? Now we finally know: it's me.
Would people describe you as: A) a creative free-thinker with an "outside the box" mentality, B) a process-oriented manager focused on the big picture, or C) a cranberry farmer?
If we slept together and haven't spoken in over two months, please throw my number in the trash. Otherwise, please refer to this guide for appropriate actions.