Humor writing published daily. Featured: Best of Year | Editors’ Picks | People’s Favorites | Satire | Guides | Observations | Stories
If you are currently struggling with sadness and despair, then you need to make some positive changes in your life. Reading this article is the first step to believing in tomorrow.
I can see the results in the tone of my legs, and the guilt of being 100% responsible for the pontoon boat accident that took my father's life is now an easier cross to bear.
June 17: Eeyore finally offed himself. We all knew it was coming, and what did we do? Did nothing, sed nothing. I shood have been a better friend. I shood have been there fore him.
Mar-a-Lago, Trump Tower in New York, Trump Tower in Chicago, all safely outside the war zone. Every single direction, up, down, I built them all.
For months, when my less-woke family and friends talk about movies, I proudly declare that I've been meaning to see Moonlight and actually want to see it really badly.
Let's say we do make contact with aliens and they accept our invitation to Earth. Unfortunately, 206 arrive at once and they're super annoying. How do we get rid of them?
Newt Gingrich: [Cupping Donald Trump's tear-stained face in his hands] You owe it to yourself to move on from Spicer. He hurt you. It’s time to find your next true love, Mr. President.
Sorry, I hate to do this, but I can't confidently call you "the best" unless I have a control group of other guys who are strictly worse at doing that exact specific thing you're doing right now.
The fifth graders got their way with the mayor, and it was a sad day to see the "Welcome to Cherry Hill" sign knocked down in favor of one that reads "Fart Town. Population: P.U."
With boss man bearing down on you, tilt your head to the left. His head will follow yours. Wait ten seconds. Hold the tilt like you would an ice cream cone.
I must confess: I'm the "him" that personal trainers hate from all those ads. I stumbled upon a simple trick to cruise past weightlifting plateaus and gain 42 pounds of muscle in just one month.
Before my pen even outlines his dirty, filthy Dilbert clothing, I draw the Dilbert naked first. To preserve his essence. To preserve his purity.