The forces of nature want us to be together until we die or I get bored, and here "forces of nature" means things I deliberately orchestrated.
It rains all the time and sometimes floods, but it’s never awful, so it wouldn’t surprise me if our Heavenly Father said this purely to make a fuss.
Steal a seat from a pregnant woman who was about to sit down, then pull out a copy of "Angels & Demons" and bury your head in it.
My therapy center is called "Hammer Out Your Dance Demons," and is funded exclusively by me and by none of my family’s $200+ million fortune.
Apparently, my haters think I’m ‘off the hook’ but in a bad way, something I didn’t even know was possible.
June 17: Eeyore finally offed himself. We all knew it was coming, and what did we do? Did nothing, sed nothing. I shood have been a better friend. I shood have been there fore him.
My son is sick, and he needs your help. You see, there is only one way to cure him of the disease known as virginity: you must have sex with him.
5 Gift Returns That Protest My Gift-Giver’s Worldview But Do Not Reflect My Enjoyment of Their Present
My uncle's Osprey Xenith 105 backpack would've been perfect, if only he hadn't decided to post "We should nuke the entire middel east!!!!" on Facebook.
The postage wouldn’t stop coming and my uncle moved us into a motel, but the wizarding world still found me.
It was on my twelfth “cheat” sign-in to a dating site when I saw something that seemed utterly impossible: I matched with myself.
At night you claw at my door to let you in, hoping in vain that you might find more affection from me. It's become too much really.