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Funeral guests will be in mourning garb, as will most of the paranormal experience attendees, so you will need to confirm the purpose of the visit.
12:00 P.M.: School, I guess? Who knows.
Studies show hex recipients can lose 6-98% of their body weight, with some dropping as much as one pound every hour.
How young will Uncle Jeff’s uninvited date be?
Whatever your intolerable situation is, you’ve rightly decided to take a nice long coma until it all blows over.
While everyone is looking at your waving hand, use your other hand to reach into your pocket for the smoke pellet you keep for situations like this.
And if you don’t, let’s just say we have ways to make you like the way you look. I fucking guarantee it.
It seems obvious that this tool for organizing a multicultural liberal democracy would be perfect for organizing a short vacation for a group of friends who’ve slowly drifted apart since college.
The Magna Carta was signed in 1215. Mind you, this was before cell phones, so King John couldn’t Docusign from home while wearing his best pair of sweats.
What else was I supposed to do, take practical steps to be a better father and husband? Who has the time for that?
I haven’t felt this confident since that first draft, which I dashed off when Bush the First was elected president.
Occasions perfect for: Simultaneously filling out a HIPPA release form, power of attorney, and a third copy of the field trip permission slip your kid keeps forgetting to turn in.