Humor writing published daily. Featured: Best of Year | Editors’ Picks | People’s Favorites | Satire | Guides | Observations | Stories
At this annoying cafe every day is your birthday. Imagine singing waiters serving every course to the tune of “Happy Birthday” at full volume.
We’ll utilize sense memory to translate your theater experiences of gossiping, backstabbing, and “stage crushing” into the workplace.
Add a few gentle affirmations like, “I will enjoy this cupcake,” “I’m taking a moment to eat this cupcake,” or “I will show this cupcake no mercy.”
As great as this gig has been, it’s time to move on. Send me anywhere. Please. I’m your gal.
Have you considered making me taller and more visually striking? Might be good for brand recognition.
Strategist, Influencer Marketing – What do any of these words mean, and furthermore what do they mean when they’re next to each other?
You might think I’m completely oblivious to the concept of shared social norms and values, and the fact is—you’re right.
Three tricycles, $170.00? What does a man need with three tricycles? I’ve never once seen him exercise!
The moments you awaken me in a slight (erotic) panic when you bunch up and crush my windpipe are some of the greatest memories of my adult life.
Roy was always trying to make a quick buck. He had all the best schemes in high school, and he also never had any money when the bill came.
6:45 AM – The Indifference Rover has been located in the staff rec room where it was watching television. It has been returned to the rocket.
How could I possibly have known a nine-person BBC Earth production crew was spying on me from behind the glory bushes?