To: God
From: Me
Subject: Feedback On My Existence — V1 Notes

Hey God, me here.

I know you’re not done with the project, but I wanted to share feedback on my existence while it’s still WIP. (We wouldn’t want something to get finalized that needs this much work still, haha.)

A few broad notes:

  • Have you considered making me taller and more visually striking? Might be good for brand recognition.
  • Love, love, love the whole “capacity to feel joy” thing. The whole “capacity to feel pain” just felt a little extraneous. May cause bad vibes. I recommend we nix that whole section.
  • Re: the wisdom teeth, let's pay a little closer attention to detail there. Seems a little messy. And the fact that they were impacted and I had to get rid of them over the one single winter break where I might have gotten back together with my ex and we would have adopted the 2.3 pug babies we were supposed to have as we grew old together—big miss there IMO.

And easy fixes:

  • My period? Maybe tighten, shorten to like two hours if possible.
  • Sex on the beach, the drink? So fun! Sex on the beach, the thing? Could use some cleaning up to ensure optimal ROI.
  • Religion? It’s a little vague—and I know, that’s the worst note to get! But I do think it’s worth taking a second look. Let’s make sure it feels like it fits the current climate.
  • Speaking of climate, would love it if you could take another pass at the whole global climate crisis thing. Seems both really scary and also too big to understand so I can’t really be scared? I would recommend picking a lane here.
  • The weird sharp skin on the edges of my big toenail can 100% go. I see what you were trying to do here but it's just not coming across and I don't think it would be well-received by a broad audience.
  • Overall, consider making it punchier and more fun!

On the plus side, manchego! Cheese in general, some really great creative choices there. Your art direction around Christmas is particularly inspired (I know that project has sentimental value for you!), especially all the sparkle.

And Barack Obama’s book—loved it, absolutely loved it. Great detail, don’t lose it. And I cannot applaud you enough for that specific feeling of walking home on a warm summer night slightly tipsy knowing you have an incredible supreme frozen pizza in the freezer. Things like that is why you're the visionary and I'm just giving notes.

I would really recommend looking back at past successes of other existences to guide us. For example, could we pull inspiration from whoever did Frida Kahlo’s art direction? Or the strong brand story that was told through the vessel of Hilary Duff? I think we have license to aim high with the work, like maybe even Wikipedia-article-high.

Also, let’s connect offline about the nipple hair module. I have a few questions about why you felt that was a valuable use of your time. You made me bi so you know I’ve done the market research on other boobs. Our competitors have clearly chosen to take a different, more streamlined approach. Not trying to stifle your creative vision but I think we both remember the fiasco of puberty implementation and think we may be able to clean up some of the leftover issues there.

And lastly, don’t hate me for this, but I couldn’t help but bring up that we still haven’t aligned on like… why? So if you could clarify, that would be great. Can’t wait to hear from you and hope you can make those changes by EOD!