Humor writing published daily. Featured: Best of Year | Editors’ Picks | People’s Favorites | Satire | Guides | Observations | Stories
What have you been up to during Covid, other than neglecting your split ends, obviously? Did you box dye your hair? I thought so.
First, it’s going to be a little bit longer than we anticipated, only about ten hours or so, but that includes some breaks!
He was licking his scales clean with his tongues, when he looked up, made eye contact with me, and bared his fang. It was love at first sight.
For urgent matters, please reach out to Gary Dilworth, who will bombard me with angry texts in all caps until I respond.
I’m a hip font on an eye-catching background. I’m a cake that says "end white supremacy." I’m a black square.
“On fiscal new year’s eve, there’s no accounting for love.”
Q: Your website says that you’re size inclusive, but you only go up to size L. Are you out of stock of larger sizes?
I was making lemon history while all those other chuds were clogging up the marketplace of ideas with lemonade.
What is the point of having a job, really, if I can’t subject everyone I work with to deal with the afternoon odors of the nasty lunches I eat?
Have you been getting some emails that seem Phishy? This is PayPal, btw. The real PayPal. How can you know? You’ll get a gut feeling inside.
At 8 PM on Thursday, my basketball hoop is going to look brand-spanking new. I don’t have to care about your family or your kids.
I intended to flee, but did not expect to crawl through what appears to be two and a half football fields worth of human shit.