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I swear this dog knows every command except "speak?" I'm always carrying the conversation!
You think I didn’t see your ass (which was nude) swimming in Camp Crystal Lake? You know I drowned in there? That’s just disrespectful.
You’ll know that our vegetables are straight from the earth because they will be covered in dirt, sand, and little white stickers with barcodes.
When it’s my turn to choose the book and I pick a trashy romance novel, no members can audibly sigh or give off any sense of smug superiority.
Thoughts of that scene have no place in this mindful state we are entering. Simply wave goodbye to those thoughts as they float by in your mind.
It's pledge drive season here at NPR, and we're going to air some of the worst radio you’ve ever imagined until you pay us to stop.
I’m not sure what the deal is but I wanted to lodge a formal complaint. Do you have an email?
Maybe you’re a tea that’s going to help me self-actualize after one harrowing night on the toilet. You’re gonna want to use the word “tummy.”
The oldest child doesn’t have to do it, that’s a myth. Of course you believe that, you thought chlamydia came from kissing in the dark until you were 14.
What’s the deal with rattles nowadays? Seems to me like a poor excuse for jangly keys! Oh, wait– can someone bring me a bottle?
While I appreciate your dedication to authenticity, it’s making our battlefields look like the aftermath of Carrie’s prom.
This is going to ruffle a lot of feathers, but when an orange is small, it’s still an orange. I’m talking to you, clementines and mandarins.