"I felt that the director didn't really know what to do here. The choice of night vision lighting was a bold move to pair with the found footage style, but he never really seemed to tap into the spirit of the film. Although it's clear there's certainly some raw talent here, it needs to be given a good spit shine. Also, rocking bod, Beth."
Gary Summers (Washington Post)

"Lately, people have been swallowing up the cinematic waste Hollywood's been shooting out. Not this time. This is where the buck stops. Did John even practice those moves beforehand? This looks like someone who once saw sex described it to his friend who only heard every other word. The dialogue wasn't dirty, it was spotted at best. Overall, if it wasn't for Beth's bod, this would be total garbage."
Paul Melman (Rolling Stone)

Night vision sex tape

"I mean, if I had to say, it guess it was all right. I don't know. Why are you showing people this anyway?"
Rick Amstill (John and Beth's Dentist)

"The heavy classical undertones really brought out the post modernism that I think the whole crew was going for. You can really see the influences from greats such as Woody Allen, Wes Anderson, and… PSCHYE! Ha, nah this was a rocking bang vid though. Beth, keep it tight."
Chad McMan (Spike TV)

"It entertains kids at one level while giving their parents a lot to smile at, too."
-Roger Ebert's Review of Space Jam (1996)

"Honestly, I could do without the CGI. Whatever happened to good, honest set design? What happened to authentic costumes? Whatever happened to realism in the film industry? Honestly, there is no way John has that girth. That's just bullshit."
Dave Fedlin (John's Friend, 5 inches)

"Pretty much business as usual with this one. Two people, one bed, Trojan condom, Jack Johnson soundtrack. Is it too much to ask for some fresh ideas in this industry? What if Beth was a bike and John was Lance Armstrong, or John was the president and Beth was Vladimir Putin? Anything besides the same beaten package John and Beth seem so determined to bang out again."
Lauren Hiltoe (Chicago Sun)

"Yeah, sure, great. Listen, you guys wanna buy some weed?"
Craig (New York Post)

"The plot confused me. Are we supposed to feel sympathetic for John? Why are they having sex? What's their motivation? Is John better in bed than me? This just feels like brainless enjoyment, devoid of any real depth. If they plan on making a sequel, I would recommend recasting."
Kevin Bastler (Beth's Ex, KevBlogs.com)

"Absolutely appalling. I always expected more from Beth. You know she was on the honor roll in high school? All four years! Now look at her. Still, it looks like she's been working out, so that's nice."
Kate (Beth's mom, MILF)

"That's my boy!"
Ron (John's dad, Republican)

"This was my absolute favorite movie of the summer, a true blockbuster. A cockbuster if you will. It's rare that a film hits all the right chords. Action, drama, suspense, and even a wet splash of humor to keep it fresh! There's no doubt in my mind that this is a movie people won't soon be forgetting!"
Dustin Mingalo (Neighbor, binoculars owner)

"Seriously, I'm calling bullshit. John is not that hung. It's just not possible."
Dave Fedlin, again