7:12 AM, Thursday, September 5th

Morning, folks. Traffic is at a stall on I-25 from Highway 36 all the way down to Lincoln. We’re all just cattle headed for the slaughter; a fly caught in a spiderweb. Is this really how you want to live your life, inching along unproductive for hours a day? We have seven hours free time in a day, and we spend over two hours of it sarcophagused in a car.

Just think about how much time and energy we waste. Not only our metabolic energy but fossil fuel energy. Driving should be an enjoyed escape, not a foolish ho-hum cattle waddle. I love cars, but not when we use them like livestock. We’re intelligent sentient beings, start acting like it.

For KCAR, I’m Roderick Rodriquez.

6:57 AM, Friday, September 6th

Good morning. Traffic is moving slow on I-25 down near Yale, Broadway, and Santa Fe. I-70 is at a crawl until I-225. I like my movies how I like my cars, not only for escape but for inspiration. Have you seen The Fly with Jeff Goldblum? It’s not as intense as the movie Speed. It’s a slow burn, but you should watch it anyway this weekend. Great movie. Pop some popcorn, park your derriere in something more comfortable than a car seat, and spend some time learning about quantum teleportation, you idio—uh um. For KCAR, I’m Roderick Rodriquez.

7:23 AM, Monday, September 9th

Morning. Traffic is inching all along on I-25 and I-70. Looks like an additional 45-minute commute this morning. So, more like three hours you’ll waste in a car today. You’re stuck in a car for hours at a time and all KCAR allocates for a traffic update is fifteen seconds.

We’ve got plenty of time here, folks. Did you see The Fly this past weekend? Good movie, huh? Star Trek is awesome, too. A teleportation machine. Yeah, what a concept. Quantum teleportation. Come on scientists, let’s figure that out already. You can’t get there overnight, but we sure can try. #Achieve. For KCAR, I’m Roderick Rodriquez.

6:47 AM, Tuesday, September 10th

Good morning. Traffic is building up northbound past 6th along I-25 until you reach Colfax and southbound past Broadway. Remember yesterday when we talked about The Fly and Star Trek? Quantum teleportation, folks. Quantum teleportation. Do you need more reasons? If we had teleportation machines, then highway traffic and accidents wouldn’t be a problem. You can’t rush science like you can’t rush traffic, but these are senseless injuries and deaths. Have you been listening to me, or are your minds stuck in a perpetual state of I need coffee?

For KCAR, I’m Roderick Rodriquez.

7:38 AM, Wednesday, September 11th

Morning folks. Traffic is at a stall on I-25 and I-70. Looks like an additional 55-minute commute this morning, folks. OK, I haven’t been completely honest with you. No, traffic is still at a complete stall, but about the quantum teleportation thing. My arguments have been completely selfless so far while the true reason for my eagerness is selfish.

Please just put yourself in my shoes for a minute. Do you know how hard it was to get a job at a news radio station in this dwindling world of journalism? I didn’t get a degree in radio journalism so I could report the traffic in fifteen second bursts. I want to report on something that makes a difference like disappearing rainbow trout in Colorado lakes, rivers, and streams, not something that irritates you. Please, just invest more time in quantum teleportation, then I can report on something more meaningful than how much it’s going to suck for however long it takes you to get to work—which also sucks.

For KCAR, I’m Roderick Rodriquez.

7:22 AM, Thursday, September 12th

Morning. Traffic is moving slow under 35 mph on I-25 until you reach Arapahoe to Colorado which is at a crawl. Sorry for ranting about myself yesterday. I do care about other people’s lives and global warming, but I just needed to vent. Do you know how hard it is to not speak your mind when you have so many people listening to you?

Did you see that article in Scientific American last month? “’Qutrit’ Experiments Are a First in Quantum Teleportation.” Researchers have teleported a qutrit, a tripartite unit of quantum information. They’re making quantum teleportation progress as we speak, folks. I’m excited for the future. Aren’t you? Let’s get excited. Chant with me: quantum teleportation, quantum teleportation, quantum teleportation!

For KCAR, I’m Roderick Rodriquez.

6:58 AM, Friday, September 13th

Morning folks. Traffic is at a standstill northbound on I-25 past Yale due to a four-car pileup. Go ahead and stare, and make traffic worse, it's not like those bodies their putting in the back of the ambulances are anybody's loved ones. This shows that we need teleportation machines to be the way of the future. There is so much more we need to do to get there, so much more development, years and years.

Did you see the local college is offering engineering and physics classes? Don’t forget to sign up because the fall semester starts in two weeks. You’ll eventually combine quantum physics with mechanical engineering. Invest in the engineering and science colleges, rich philanthropists. Reach for the stars! Or teleport there if you can.

For KCAR, I’m Roderick Rodriquez.

6:44 AM, Monday, September 16th

Good morning. Traffic is running in all areas, except southbound I-25 past Tower due to a broken-down semi. I… can’t… get in anymore trouble.

For KCAR, I’m Roderick Rodriquez.


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