Hon. Are you there? My throat is sore. Can hardly talk. Pick up….

Got a cough *cough* too. Primal, chesty. This is not a drill. I'm not playing man-card. 100% got a sniffle. So won’t be much help tonight. Be useless. No able bath kids, take out trash. Apols.

Colds knock me around, you know that. No can help dishes. Sozzy. Sneezing five in row here.

Also. Let’s nip in bud. I acknowledge you were sick last month, you toughed it out, pretended no sick. Fine. You got up for kids, domestic matters, yes. Amazing woman. Amazing that very sick woman with apparently no time for herself got up and went for $75 lunch with Karen. Amazing. Hon. Surprising.

But. Maybe, not the same kind of cold as I’ve got?…Cold for me is real deal. Cold for ultra-fit, high-specialized, actuary — no comparison to domestic worker cold.

Also. Separately. I like Karen. Not knocking her, but $75 for lunch. Wtf?

Hon…pick up?

When I get home, I must keep away from kids. No want kids get sick. I’ll sneak into bedroom. Turn on Nintendo, if I have strength.

Okay. Then. Stay in room. Duration of illness. No play Lego with kids. No mediate squabbles over coloring-in. Okay. Egregious cold. Kids stay out of range, for their safety. Out of range of my hearing. Apols. Genuine apols.

Also. Need put off stain porch. Apols. Know I promised. But. Need convalescence. Yes promised stain porch weeks ago. Will stain. Some stage. Down track. Apols. Won’t be for some time.

Yes. You painted nursery a day after child birth. Not same. Hon. You had me. At birth. Coached you every step of the way. This cold different, worse than that. Serious. Debilitating. Pure misery. Having been through both, birth and then this, this is worse than birth. Apols. Need your support. Anything you say flippant or contemptuous about cold will immediately worsen condition. Please hon…

Feel bad. Because tonight trash night. And know you hate carrying greasy stinky fuck shit impossible carry trash cans to curb. Apols. But let’s not miss trash night. Fucking nightmare if no empty trash; overflow issue, have to stand in bin, stomp down rubbish. Disgusting. Apols. Rely on you. Go hon, do it…

And hon, for avoidance of doubt — not suggesting or anything — I’m able to have sex if you’re inclined? No pressure. But am up for it, if you are? Want to roger that? Lock in. Hon? Pick up hon…

If you need my help tonight, I want to help! Will do anything, anything! Bedridden though! What can I do to please you? Nothing! But, how about: let kids sit in hallway with iPad while you drag horrible fuck ass trash cans to road, and I’ll call out if they need you?


Being ravaged by a cold hon. You there? Is anyone home! Please help me!