I Am the Last Drop of Yogurt, Begging to Be Thrown Away
I don’t want you to fight for me. Believe me, a disproportionate amount of effort will be needed to capture me. I need you to know that I am not worth it.
Tag: Trash
Do You Have 5 Minutes to Talk About New Jersey’s Plastic Bag Ban?
Moving along. Shoot, these pages are out of order, gimme one sec... Here it is... Prompts for the "AWARE, BUT UNENTHUSED."
I’m the Penny in Your Couch and Here Are Some of My Friends
Two goldfish crackers. There used to be six, but you reached in between the cushion and ate four of them three weeks after they fell here.
A Guided Meditation for Moving Out of Your Walk-up Apartment
Take a few breaths, now a few more breaths. Are you really wheezing already? That was only the second trip to the U-Haul.
I’m the Artist Who Leaves Beer Cans on Hiking Trails
I tell stories of humanity. Some about a guy getting drunk in the woods. Others about two guys getting drunk in the woods.
My Excuse for Living Under a Rock? I’m a Pillbug.
I'm pre-approved for a dozen credit cards, but good luck getting to Wells Fargo without being eaten by robins.
Candy Corn Tastes like Cheap Trash and That’s Why I Like It
A handful of those tri-colored diabetic nightmares leave me physically ill with my head pulsing in pain. And guess what? I’m into it.
17 Keepsakes from My Parents’ Basement That They Are “Hanging On To” Because They “Might Want” This Stuff “Some Day”
Two Boston brand faux-wood pencil sharpeners: one electric, one battery-operated, both used solely from the years 2000 to 2004.
My Favorite Country Songs and Who Sings Them
"Small Town Girl, Big City Knockers" - Double Dee Feat. Skyla Mirena "I'll Never Be Him (He's a Soldier)" - Creelyn Crawley
My Favorite Indie Songs and Who Sings Them
"remember when i misread the vibe of the kickback at ur place and blacked out on a wednesday?" - nic0tin3 sad b0is
The Yelp Reviews in the Trash Zone Are Misleading at Best
The reality: You wouldn’t guess that gasoline is more precious than blood in the Southern Wastes with how long these rats were on that engine block.
A Message for My Husband, Who Waits Until I’m Almost Done Cleaning to Ask if I Want Any Help
I did see you hiding (hard to miss the shape of my useless husband with his big dumb flip-flopped feet sticking out from behind the drapes).