Trash | Page 3 | Points in Case

Tag: Trash

"I don’t have any fancy degrees. I’ve never read Murakami. I’ve never read anything, actually. I can’t speak English and I’ve bitten people."

I thought space was going to be the most romantic time of our 10-month relationship. That’s why I got three new rompers and a bikini wax.

What do we mean when we say that we’ve “read a book?” Do we mean that we've purchased the book, never cracked it, and had forgotten it existed?

Breakfast is key. I’m thinking an egg white omelette, a couple slices of toast with peanut butter—wait where did you find a Gogurt?

Now that you’ve sufficiently tortured your sweet angel for the past hour, make him watch as you make your own macaroni artwork.

"I dropped my Heavy Sleeper XXL Weighted Blanket on my foot & broke several bones." How wonderfully whimsical! We are not responsible for any damage.

BARBER: It is customary to tip your barber $15 for each person who complimented your haircut and then immediately had sex with you.

The only drawback I can see here is that aluminum crumples up, so you’re going to want to make sure you don’t accidentally sit on your aluminum gun.

What’s that word? Apathy? I was apathy, bro. No, wait, empathy. I was empathy. My bad ha!

It's basically the best thing since Gravity's Rainbow. Think of it sort of as Infinite Jest but more like Pirates of the Caribbean and with robots.

Supposedly, the journey to the after-life is long. And so, I’ll need my grill and some prime-ass steaks for the long ride.

Please, I'm begging you to let me hold those knobs in my hands. I want to hear the sound of that little soccer ball dropping onto the table.