Thank You for Rescuing Me From This Trash Can I’ve Stuffed Myself Into to Write a Novel
Imagine a book written entirely in uncomfortable places with completely unconventional materials. Genius, isn’t it?
Tag: Trash
Hollywood Launching Cinematic Universe About Fruit
Citrus: Blood Orange: An orange (Liam Neeson) will team up with soil (Leonardo DiCaprio) to unravel why other oranges in the grove are exploding.
Conch Shell Opens Up During a Weekend in the Hamptons
One time I was forced to watch my snail body get boiled, made into a ceviche soup, and served to a family of blondes on their backyard tennis court.
The Company-Wide Reply-All That Never Should Have Been
FROM: [email protected] TO: [email protected] SUBJECT: RE: test "Exactly what are you notifying us of? Everyone please stop replying-all."
An Open Letter to the Adult Man in Target Who Decided He Didn’t Want Keebler’s Coconut Dreams
As I picked up the box of cookies, I imagined a world where everyone thought it was okay to leave items they didn’t want anymore wherever they please.
Martha Stewart’s Recipe for the Disappointment in All of Us
Hey ya'll, it's me, Martha Stewart, and I'm here to tell you that even you can can succeed in baking this very simple, very disappointing recipe.
Just Because I’m a Little Drunk and Homeless Doesn’t Mean I Can’t Berate This Pile of Garbage
Hey you, filthy nasty Garbage. I feel like we got off to on the wrong foot, but let's get back on track: you'll never amount to anything.
There’s an Uncooked Burrito in the Microwave, Now What?
How long has this burrito thing been languishing in the microwave? How did it get there in the first place? And most importantly, can I eat it?
5 Signs Your Subpar Boyfriend is a Total Keeper
Dealbreakers are for spinsters and women who don't shave their armpits. Take what you can get now or die alone.
A Sick Husband’s Apology Voicemail to His Wife
Hon… are you there? Pick up? When I get home, I must keep away from kids. No want kids get sick. I'll sneak into bedroom. Turn on Nintendo, if I have strength.
Please Dispose of My Phone Number in the Correct Receptacle
If we slept together and haven't spoken in over two months, please throw my number in the trash. Otherwise, please refer to this guide for appropriate actions.
A Guided Meditation for Increased Self-Awareness of the Piece of Garbage You Really Are
Be aware of how your stresses don’t matter, because your job doesn’t matter, and neither do you. Let this knowledge relax you.