Let Me Feign Confidence for This Networking Luau
Sitting at a bar alone chewing mint gum while sipping a fruity drink is the ideal thing for a confident person to do at a party.
Sitting at a bar alone chewing mint gum while sipping a fruity drink is the ideal thing for a confident person to do at a party.
"Get Rich Media Banners or Die Tryin’" and "Jenny From the Blockchain": these are the kind of tunes best optimized for my life working here.
Our love blossomed with the speed of a carefully edited, 30-second commercial for prescription diarrhea medicine.
Could we reschedule our 3:00? A rift between this world and the next has opened in the conference room, and we can’t hear client calls over the endless torture of the damned.
Remind the IRS of simpler tax days. Create an apology collage out of all the old receipts you filed when you first entered the workforce.
Data leak alert: Your fitting room selfies were just shared with your high school reunion Facebook group.
“Am I in the spam folder? I gotta get out of here.” “WARNING: YOUR HOUSE IS INFESTED WITH HOT SINGLES IN YOUR AREA.”
I’m an Ewok, you idiot. Not a Wookiee. Do all intelligent, bipedal, brown, hairy non-humans look the same to you?
We understand your concern with protecting the rim at all costs, but maybe you could just disable the shot blocker on one part of the court?
26. Obscure form of communication you use to reach out to your ex after they’ve blocked you everywhere else:
We revised the concept of “eternal damnation” and suggest referring to it as “be cool bro."
Mysterious Ways -- U2: “Man, music today is just insufferable. Back in my day, the FANS were supposed to be insufferable!”