RE: The Restless Dead Haunting the Office
Could we reschedule our 3:00? A rift between this world and the next has opened in the conference room, and we can’t hear client calls over the endless torture of the damned.
Tag: Tech
Ideas for Mending Your Relationship with the IRS after Being Caught Cheating on Taxes
Remind the IRS of simpler tax days. Create an apology collage out of all the old receipts you filed when you first entered the workforce.
Unnerving Emails Norton AntiVirus Sends Me
Data leak alert: Your fitting room selfies were just shared with your high school reunion Facebook group.
“Excuse Me, Can Any Fellow Emails in This Spam Folder Direct Me to the Inbox, Please?”
“Am I in the spam folder? I gotta get out of here.” “WARNING: YOUR HOUSE IS INFESTED WITH HOT SINGLES IN YOUR AREA.”
The Galactic Empire Could Benefit From Some Cultural Sensitivity Training
I’m an Ewok, you idiot. Not a Wookiee. Do all intelligent, bipedal, brown, hairy non-humans look the same to you?
We’re Glad You’re Enjoying the Game, But Would You Mind Disabling Your Shot Blocker?
We understand your concern with protecting the rim at all costs, but maybe you could just disable the shot blocker on one part of the court?
31 Alternate Security Questions for When Remembering Your Mother’s Maiden Name is Too Hard
26. Obscure form of communication you use to reach out to your ex after they’ve blocked you everywhere else:
God Puts “Religion” Up for Review
We revised the concept of “eternal damnation” and suggest referring to it as “be cool bro."
YouTube Presents: Comment Section Classics — A New Way to Experience Music
Mysterious Ways -- U2: “Man, music today is just insufferable. Back in my day, the FANS were supposed to be insufferable!”
Concerning the “Automated Boudoir Companion” I Purchased From Your Catalog
I was unable to tell if it was the machine or I who was screaming as I was jostled unpleasantly amid black smoke and splattering whale jelly.
Life-Threatening Situations to Mark Yourself “Safe” on Facebook
You sat in silence for 18 minutes after finding out your new barber was from Long Island, voted for Trump, and has amazing ideas for your stand-up.
You have unsubscribed from this email list, but [please open to read full email]
Inside the envelope, you will find a series of riddles that you must answer in the languages in which they are provided. Spelling counts.