1. #amwritingandyourprobsnot – You’re a serious writer because you spent 20 minutes today writing some whimsical and rigorous prose about baby ducks robbing a 7/11. What have those other rando Twitter writers been doing today?

2. #amwritingwithasmile – With this modest hashtag, you’re showing everyone you’re not just writing, but also loving every second of that writing! You’re not one of those angsty writers crying on their laptops, you’re literally spraying sunshine with every tap tap on the keyboard!

3. #amactuallywritinggoodshit – This is a great hashtag to show other writers you’re not just writing, you’re writing better stuff than they are! While they’re working on lame short stories about their dogs (Linda, get over it! He isn’t even that cute!), you’re writing some Shakespeare-Hemingway shit!

4. #amwritingbecauseitismycallingnotachoice – Speak yo truth! Some people think you chose to quit your practical job at Dairy Queen to sit by yourself in a room crying and writing about your first period in vivid detail while selling your old Troll Dolls on eBay for rent money. NO! That wasn’t a choice!

5. #amwritinga700pagenovel – This is a great hashtag to let people know exactly what you’re up to! You’re wildly ambitious and everyone should know it. You threw out that lame duck story and are now writing a 700-page novel about clouds that’s going to blow up the literary world by storm (lol, word play!).

6. #amgoingtobeawritingstarjusttryandstopme – This hashtag lets people know you’re not just some basic bitch writer, you’re gunna be a star! Your writing is gunna inspire lots of dumb movies with Cloe Grace Moretz and weird fashion lines in Europe and maybe even a restaurant! You’re gunna change da world and not just write basic poetic vegan cookbooks like Linda once wrote (we know you a fair-weather vegan!) or books for babies that take about three minutes to write.

7. #amwritinganditswaybetterthanyoursLinda – This is a good one because it helps call attention to who should quit the field of writing. It’s a v competitive field and Linda only got a book deal because she made out with a publisher and her poems literally all rhyme, but only one syllable rhymes!

8. #amwritingbutstillnoagentyetbutLindahasonefuckme – You know you can only take your career so far on your own, so this hashtag lets agents know you’re looking for representation. Also, it lets Linda know you deserve an agent way more than her because she prob only has one cause her dad went to prison for cool reasons.

9.#amwritingbutshouldIquitNoIshouldnotitsLindawhoshouldquit – This is a good hashtag to show people you’re super passionate about Linda quitting writing and also you too have dark days and existential thoughts aka are deep. Being a writer is a serious choice and sometimes we all get tired and want to give up writing and buy cute mom jeans and start a quiet life. That does sound nice, but for now you should focus on making a cute change.org petition to share on Facebook to get Linda to quit writing.

10. #amwritingandsingle – This beautifully crafted hashtag lets people know you’re serious about writing but also currently single and ready to mingle! Now go buy me some chocolates!