Reading About Someone Else’s Theme Park Experience Gets Me So Excited
Once I’m on to videos I know there’s no going back and I’m going to hate myself for the rest of the afternoon.
Tag: Tech
Did You Forget Your Password, You Stupid Bitch?
Security question: What is your maternal grandmother’s first name? We know you paused to remember which side maternal is, you unlearned horse’s ass.
Rules for a Silicon Valley High School Dance in 2029
Students are not to ask the Steve Jobs hologram any questions pertaining to how much he actually did at Apple as opposed to the engineers.
When It Comes to Waiting, I’m a Natural
I never look to see if the bus or train is coming. I never push the button more than once on elevators or at crosswalks.
Things @fuckjerry Stole From Me
@fuckjerry even went back to my high school, played "Riff" in "West Side Story," and used all my ad libs just to twist the knife.
Ready-to-Use Instagram Copy for the Contemporary American Female Yogi
Let go. Really, just let go. The truth will come. Sometimes a fart will come. A fart is just another kind of truth. #yogaeverydamnday
Escape Rooms for Adults
"Senior": You’re over 70 and must get your pills organized in that little plastic box with the SMTWTFS lids.
Honest Headlines for the Unread Articles in My Browser Tabs
"How Climate Change Is Going To Make Our Planet So Inhospitable You'll Wish You Could Mutate Into A Tree Person From 'Annihilation'" —Vox
Ways the World Could End and What Happens After
The Sun Explodes: It’s been on fire for a few centuries now, it is only a matter of time until it explodes like a thing of bug spray in a campfire.
Sincere 404 Page Not Found Errors
Domino’s Pizza: We’ll be back in 30 minutes or less, guaranteed. Use the DomiNoPage™ Tracker app for live updates.
The Wall Leaves a Series of Voicemails for President Trump
I get it. You're not really interested in me. I'm just an object you can show off to your friends. "Ooh look, I'm Donald Trump and I have a big wall!"
Cute Winter Date Activities To Do Right Before You Break Up
A Cooking Class: after watching him try to poach an egg, realize you’re ready for someone who knows the difference between cinnamon and cardamom.