“Cozy”

Merriam-Webster: Enjoying or affording warmth and ease; marked by or providing contentment or comfort.
Craigslist: The smallest possible apartment we could legally claim is inhabitable.

“Charming”

Merriam-Webster: Extremely pleasing or delightful.
Craigslist: Outdated and old. Might have one fancy light fixture or crown molding and definitely still has radiators that hiss all fucking night as soon as the temperature drops to 60 degrees.

“Convenient”

Merriam-Webster: Suited to personal comfort or to easy performance; affording accommodation or advantage.
Craigslist: Good luck finding parking within ten blocks of this place.

“Chic”

Merriam-Webster: Smart elegance and sophistication especially of dress or manner.
Craigslist: Does not have a dishwasher. Used to be a warehouse or factory and therefore completely lacks insulation and the layout makes no sense. But check it out, there’s a wall of exposed brick!

“Spacious”

Merriam-Webster: Vast or ample in extent; large or magnificent in scale.
Craigslist: An average-sized apartment at best. Has extra room in unusable places and still doesn’t have a washer or dryer, even though they could certainly fit.

“Modern”

Merriam-Webster: Involving recent techniques, methods, or ideas.
Craigslist: Boring but probably has a dishwasher. For some reason, all the cabinets and counters are entirely white and reminiscent of a hospital operating room.

“Deal”

Merriam-Webster: Something bought or offered for sale at a desirable price.
Craigslist: Nobody wants to live in this dump so we’re dropping the price.

“Renovated”

Merriam-Webster: To put into good shape or working order again.
Craigslist: We hired the only available contractor to repaint all the walls as fast as they could after the last tenants moved out. We swapped the leaky, rusted bathroom faucet with a shiny new faucet that still leaks. A kitchen appliance from 1968 was replaced with the cheapest black or silver version available but the rest of the appliances are still fifteen years old.

“Bright”

Merriam-Webster: Radiating or reflecting light.
Craigslist: You better buy some good blinds and blackout curtains or you’re going to be woken up at 7 AM every morning by the sun melting your face off. All of your neighbors can see everything you are doing no matter what room you are in.

“Luxurious”

Merriam-Webster: Characterized by opulence, sumptuousness, or rich abundance.
Craigslist: Out of your budget, peasant. If you apply here with a credit score below 700, our agents will spend ten minutes laughing at your application.

“Comfortable”

Merriam-Webster: Providing physical comfort; being more than enough without being excessive.
Craigslist: Just barely meets the minimum requirements to sustain human life.


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