“In a press release published on Tuesday, two Department of Energy officials used the terms ‘freedom gas' and ‘molecules of US freedom' to replace your average, everyday term ‘natural gas.'”
Ars Technica


CO2 emissions > Gases of prosperity

Smokestacks > Beacons of progress

Crude oil > Liquid America

Fracking > Rock ‘n roll drilling

Trucks > Guzzlers of glory

Solar power > Hippie juice

Wind power > Big bad wolf breath

Nuclear power plants > Chernobyl factories

Electric vehicles > Treason buggies

Miles per gallon > Puppies killed per second

Kilowatt-hours of electricity used > How much you love your children

Natural disasters > Earth hiccups

Climate change > Just plain old regular weather, nothing to see here

Rising sea levels > Beachfront expansion

Black lung > Peak patriotism

Greenhouse effect > Capitalism’s sauna

Polar ice caps > Ancient history

Empirical data > Just your opinion

Environmental protections > Floofy floofy dumb dumbs

Paris Climate Agreement > Another French surrender

President Donald Trump > Supreme Leader and Chief Climate Scientist

Global temperature > That thing that isn’t important and no matter how high it is it’s totally fine and normal

People of Earth > A bunch of suckers the 1% will leave behind as soon as shit gets real—I mean wait what? No no definitely not, they’re great, the people are great.

OPEC > Daddy

Wall Street > Mommy

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