Disasters

Tag: Disasters

Noah's Ark: No disrespect but the boat? It's level. No wobbling.

Please try the ahi tuna croquette puffs—eat it off a toothpick next to that pool, just full of wet wet water.

Now is the time for us to act quickly and decisively. But first, let’s take a moment to acknowledge our May birthdays!

This morning, a chiseled man with a safari shirt and dimples deep as the Mariana Trench emerged from the jungle. “Come on in,” he beckoned.

Our nuclear plant is verging on meltdown, and the key to stability lies in our vital AWS EC2 instance managed by former employee Ethan Reynolds.

Will it scrape along a Toyota Camry, taking off seven inches of paint and cost the owner hundreds of dollars?

You dumb pee stained ice cube, do you understand how embarrassing it is to be sunk on your maiden voyage?

Say… you there, clinging to the railing for dear life: would you like to hear some facts about jazz?

Pop open a bottle today. It’s guaranteed to take your mind off the waterspout that’s currently ripping the roof off your neighbor’s house.

The alert system will be preceded by two sharp tones — "Hey! HEY!" — followed by "Listen, Buster."

During my second dinner, Francis told me that we needed to “ration our food better.” I was so taken aback by this.

Now would be a good time to use the restroom. You should also gather your family and pets and turn off any stove burners.