A Few Housekeeping Items Before We Stop the Nuclear Disaster
Now is the time for us to act quickly and decisively. But first, let’s take a moment to acknowledge our May birthdays!
Tag: Disasters
Help, I’m a Real Castaway, and I’ve Wandered Onto the Set of CBS’s “Survivor”
This morning, a chiseled man with a safari shirt and dimples deep as the Mariana Trench emerged from the jungle. “Come on in,” he beckoned.
Former Employee Holds Key to Prevent AWS Shutdown and Potential Nuclear Meltdown
Our nuclear plant is verging on meltdown, and the key to stability lies in our vital AWS EC2 instance managed by former employee Ethan Reynolds.
What Happens When I Release This Cart Into a Busy Parking Lot Is Completely Out of My Hands
Will it scrape along a Toyota Camry, taking off seven inches of paint and cost the owner hundreds of dollars?
I’m the Titanic and Climate Change Is Coming for You, You Idiotic Iceberg
You dumb pee stained ice cube, do you understand how embarrassing it is to be sunk on your maiden voyage?
SOS! The Titanic Is Sinking and the Band Won’t Play Any Requests
Say… you there, clinging to the railing for dear life: would you like to hear some facts about jazz?
Emergency Public Services, Now with Corporate Sponsorship
Pop open a bottle today. It’s guaranteed to take your mind off the waterspout that’s currently ripping the roof off your neighbor’s house.
This Is a Test of the LAST NERVE Emergency Alert System
The alert system will be preceded by two sharp tones — "Hey! HEY!" — followed by "Listen, Buster."
I’m Arctic Shipwreck Survivor Stranded with an Annoying Show-off Asshole
During my second dinner, Francis told me that we needed to “ration our food better.” I was so taken aback by this.
You’re Just Twelve Clicks Away from Finding Out Why Those Air-Raid Sirens Are Going Off
Now would be a good time to use the restroom. You should also gather your family and pets and turn off any stove burners.
Dear Emily Elizabeth: Clifford the Big Red Dog Is a Menace to Our Neighborhood’s Off-Leash Area
It's a dog park, not Jurassic Park. Find somewhere else for your infernal Dogasaurus rex to run amok.
5 Baby Registry Must-Haves in Today’s Climate Crisis
Baby wearing is very in right now. You can do the dishes, vacuum, or paddle a lifeboat out of your flooded neighborhood.