1. A well-planned curriculum
2. Strong, intellectual bonds with peers
3. Positive male and female role models
4. Adequate outdoor space for exercise
5. 50,000 dollars
6. Disposable teachers who can be replaced just in case
7. Pencils
8. A solid career services department
9. Immense racial and gender diversity within the races and gender identities I’m comfortable with
10. Tax breaks
11. A little boy named Hunter or Tanner
12. A little girl named Bryghton or Brixley
13. Healthy snacks like seaweed or Trader Joe’s brand fruit leather
14. 15 copies of Oh the Places You’ll Go
15. Someone’s aunt to teach “Drama and Movement”
16. Barbed wire fence for the kids to decorate with signs about inclusion
17. Classmates who are rich enough not to be a burden but not as rich as your family
18. All of the gold
19. Familial connections to the consulting industry
20. A diversity director so we can say we have one (because that work is so important right now)
21. Lacrosse
22. Blood
23. Money
24. Blood money
25. Blood diamonds
26. Those muji pens
27. A diversified investment portfolio
28. Child actors to pretend to be dumber than your child
29. 100% renewable eco-powered Mercedes buses
30. A dozen beautiful 15-hand Arabian horses
31. The last Galapagos tortoise
32. An artist-in-residence
33. A consultant-in-residence
34. A custodial team with strong immune systems
35. One poor kid they can all learn to be nice to
36. One arch-rival/frenemy who is formidable but ultimately defeatable
37. Essential workers to applaud
38. A clique that eventually gets put in their place so they can learn about bullying
39. A big show for them to dramatically quit the basketball team for
40. A basketball team
41. A janitor who’s smarter than anyone realizes
42. A Miss Honey-esque figure to ultimately adopt the smartest one
43. The earliest, pre-FDA approved trial of the vaccine
44. Not all this whining about how we live our lives, that’s for sure
45. Crayons