Funny Lists

Weekly funny lists for readers on the go. Quizzes

How to Break In Your New Hiking Boots

Explain that "Interpretive Trail Hiking" won’t have a steady paycheck and encourage your boots to instead major in "Pre-Backpacking" at Bootiversity.

Don't ask loudly and rhetorically "See why I divorced her?" of the shoppers gaping at your unholy hissyfit over her congenital tardiness.

Your open mic is in the gap between worlds, accessible only to the chosen, the mad, and people you like. So, it’s kind of a booked open mic.

Grover Cleveland was not the first, nor last, president to wear a diaper while in office, but was the first to wear a diaper made of human flesh.

Ask your millennial co-worker if they need a muscle relaxer when they talk about Twitch, then find out it's not what your back does after a workout.

Uber: For Speed Dating - Sit up front because "you get carsick." Ask the driver if they have any siblings. If they ask you back, you’re in.

"The stone was my Great Aunt Shelley’s! But keep that to yourself... if she knows I stole it from her, she’ll cut me out of her will."

"Friday the 13th" - It’s the thirteenth of the month and Alice Hardy is being stalked by an unstoppable force: her student loan payments.

"Poll: Are you mad at me? Because your sister insinuated some things you might’ve told her about me…"

"Someone New" by Hozier - Listen, I KNOW we put your love life on hold for the last three appointments but think of it as a fun little game.

"Oh, now, don't you be afraid, sweetheart. Death is just a part of life. It's something we're all destined to do."

The way I'm held when I'm hoisted in the air sort of digs into my ribs. I'd be interested in exploring some other hoisting techniques.