The president has the power to veto, and President Trump has a guy named Vito who will break your legs if you leak any horrifying info to the fake news.

During the Clinton administration years, some disrespectful loudmouth would continuously refer to the Oval Office as the “Oral Office.” That disrespectful loudmouth was Bill Clinton.

During the early 80's, the United States government was pioneering work in quantum physics. In doing so, they created a machine that could take the dreams and wishes of young children, and using bits of random energy culled from the time-space continuum, reform these dreams and wishes, transforming them into small, soft orbs of fruit-flavored material. These bits would then be consumed by Ronald Reagan as “jelly beans.”

President Lincoln was a fervent lover of homemade jams and jellies, and during the process of jarring same, accidentally came up with a cure for elderly psoriasis. His discovery of this miracle cure is what ultimately led to his untimely assassination.

The famous quote by President George Washington is not, as commonly believed, “I can not tell a lie,” but rather “I can not tell Lorelei,” referring to his pet iguana Lorelei, who greatly enjoyed sunning herself in the branches of the cherry tree.

Grover Cleveland was not the first, nor last, president to wear a diaper while in office, but was the first (and only…?) to wear a diaper made of human flesh.

Knowing full well the fate that befalls a virginal teenage girl in the White House, President Obama had both of his daughters professionally deflowered by the world's only known leprechaun in captivity, loaned to him by the Illuminati but since escaped into the White House's time vortex project.

Despite evidence to the contrary, President Trump does not have the smallest amount of brains of any president. That honor goes to President Kennedy (but only following the assassination).

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