Miss one appointment for your once-monthly $200 cut and color appointment. Silver hair is grandma chic. The wiry roots add extra authenticity.
Step outside in the tropical, urban swamp that is NYC, DC, Boston or Toronto this week for a glistening coat of boob sweat.
Ask your millennial co-worker if they need a muscle relaxer when they talk about Twitch, then find out it's not the thing your back does after a workout.
Try to read the ingredient list of anything in a grocery store without your glasses.
Go on a date with a 29-year-old, talk about the latest season of Stranger Things, and tell them Winona Ryder in Beetlejuice was your girl crush in middle school. Then throw back your drink when he responds, “Yeah, my mom really likes that movie.”
Have sex with the 29-year-old in an apartment he shares with three other dudes.
Explain to your 13-year-old niece that the pair of overalls you are wearing, the ones you bought at The Gap in college in 1995, splattered with years of kitchen grease and old paint, are not part of the throwback collection from Urban Outfitters.
Overhear aforementioned co-worker divulge their plans for Lollapalooza this summer and rave that watching The Breeders rock out on stage at 1994's Lollapalooza inspired you to learn guitar. Their response, “The Breeders? I think my mom has that CD.”
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