“Quiz: Are you from the East Coast or West Coast?”
Either way you should come home more.

“What present should you get your mom for Mother’s Day based on what you buy at Trader Joe’s?”
Every answer is the French press I put on my Amazon wishlist so don’t even THINK about getting me anything else.

“Poll: Are you mad at me? Because your sister insinuated some things you might’ve told her about me…”
She said you’re avoiding me and I need to know why before I spiral into worst-case scenarios.

“Quiz: Are you trying to give your mother a heart-attack?”
You’re not answering your texts and I’m concerned that you haven’t read the Huffington Post article about the health benefits of micro-dosing turmeric supplements that I sent you three days ago.

“Wow! We know what kind of bread you are based on how infrequently you call me”
It really feels like you’re mad at me. Either that or you don’t love me. I told Dad that he should email you asking about it, but you know how much trouble he has with the computer.

“True or False: We bet you can’t guess what the voicemail I left you this morning was about!”
Was it about the squirrels that keep monopolizing the bird feeder? Your uncle’s engagement to a woman half his age? A butt dial? Nope, it was just me re-opening the conversation we’ve been having for the past 15 years about how you shouldn’t have been an English major. There’s just no stability in that field.

“Quiz: Are you listening to me?”
Did you hear what I just said? About the seating arrangement for Thanksgiving? Repeat back to me what I just said so I know you were listening or I’m going to move you to the kids’ table again.

“Quiz: When am I going to get grandchildren?”
Maybe if you stopped taking BuzzFeed Quizzes and found a nice Jewish girl I’d have them by now…