Weekly funny lists for readers on the go. Quizzes
You are unwise to lower your defenses. / Many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view. / You’re just a child with a mask.
$10 - I make old jeans fit again. I’m not supposed to allow this, but for $11 this may apply to booty shorts as well.
You’re in no condition to drive. But it would be even more dangerous to let your companion do it.
Best Foreign Film: When my boss tells me to speak up in meetings, sorry can’t, don't understand what’s happening.
Campus Dream — Coming Fall semester, steaming hot espresso with subtle notes of ennui, stale beer and dirty clothes.
"Weed My Flower Beds" – I dare you to tell the difference between a weed and some bullshit my wife planted. I friggin’ dare you!
6. Clothes and Shit -It’s a diaper and not that hard to figure out, for fuck’s sake. -Bedazzling bullshit. -Why the fuck are head holes so small?
Mike [ mahyk ] Pronounced: “my khh” Rhymes with: “yikes!” Common mispronunciations: Matt, Mark How to remember: Mike is short for “open mic night.”
Ferrari Fantasy – A unique blend of Italian leather, capped teeth, micropenis, and snobbiness that will render you speechless.
What does your child do for fun? A) Mescaline. B) Sits quietly while parents read NYT Cooking section. C) Derives enjoyment from pleasing others.
Any stick that has touched a rotting carcass or been rotting carcass-adjacent must become part of the permanent collection immediately.
Seth has returned to his car and confirmed your address for the first time. Your dumplings are no longer crispy or hot. Seth lives with his parents.