Short, punchy comedy for readers on the go. New humor lists daily. Quizzes | Submit Lists »
Water, harvested from the tears of children whose daddies didn't mean to yell, but dammit it's been a long week, and he's told you three times now.
"For a long time, I didn't care. But now it's been six years since my last promotion, and that has me thinking." —Zachary Easton, Coder
"How Climate Change Is Going To Make Our Planet So Inhospitable You'll Wish You Could Mutate Into A Tree Person From 'Annihilation'" —Vox
Fatima, I've got your college transcripts here. Russian Lit major, Proverbial Folktales minor, now a freelance assistant. So, was Oberlin worth it?
You scan the "Goings On About Town" and bemoan your meaningless existence in some secondary city 790 miles from any actual New Yorkers.
When you're giving CPR and their mouth is stuck petrified in an O-shape, so when you blow it makes them whistle.
Maybe she's born with it. Maybe she reads the whole New Yorker article instead of giving up after the third paragraph like some people I could mention.
Domino’s Pizza: We’ll be back in 30 minutes or less, guaranteed. Use the DomiNoPage™ Tracker app for live updates.
You're always freelancing from home, which means your cat has to watch you and dart away when you notice. So there goes her whole day.
Second Lady Karen Pence has provided access to beautiful color shades such as Partial Birth Abortion Red-Orange and I Can Tolerate Misogyny Maroon.
Merrells are suddenly the only shoes that don’t "hurt your feet," and you explain this to strangers, even though your feet have never hurt.
My creative outlet is composing letters to my imaginary wife since I have implicitly sworn a life of celibacy even though I didn't know I had to.