Say: “Solid malt backbone.”
Mean: “I should have stood up to Dad while I had the chance.”

Say: “The nose is wet horse blanket with a little barnyard funk.”
Mean: “That time at the dude ranch with the fam when I was ten was tits. Maybe I should write a screenplay.”

Say: “I’m getting leather notes and a hint of tobacco.”
Mean: “I wish I could still watch John Wayne movies unironically.”

Say: “I’m detecting a high alpha-acid hop. Chinook, right?”
Mean: “I really want to try ayahuasca, but didn’t some guy from Australia stab some other guy to death when they were on the ayahuasca in Peru?”

Say: “The alcohol’s well-hidden.”
Mean: “Don’t blame me when I black out after a few more of these.”

Say: “I can’t drink this beer. It’s a month old.”
Mean: “Why can’t I commit to a relationship?” or, if in a relationship, “Why did I commit to a relationship?”

Say: “Pillowy mouthfeel. Very soft.”
Mean: “I wonder if what they say about oral fixations is true.”

Say: “Banana yields to bubblegum on the back end, no?”
Mean: “What happened to the child I used to be?”

Say: “The lacing is spectacular.”
Mean: “I may be watching too much porn,” or, alternatively, “Do I care too much about NCAA Division III lacrosse?”

Say: “Impressive head retention.”
Mean: “It’s been a while since I’ve read Jernigan.”

Say: “This beer is a drain pour.”
Mean: “I will never shave my beard.”


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