List: Suggested Reading for Your Not-Woke-Enough 6-Year-Old
The Little Engine That Lost Its Medicare - After losing a spoke while transporting cargo, The Little Engine is no longer able to afford repairs.
Tag: Expressions
List: How to Get to Places Other Than Carnegie Hall
How to get to Music Hall of Williamsburg: Practice, check into rehab for heroin addiction, practice some more.
List: What to Say When Someone Grabs Your Hand to Ogle Your Engagement Ring
"The stone was my Great Aunt Shelley’s! But keep that to yourself... if she knows I stole it from her, she’ll cut me out of her will."
List: “Forrest Gump” or Jonestown?
"Oh, now, don't you be afraid, sweetheart. Death is just a part of life. It's something we're all destined to do."
List: Offensive Tweets From Jerk Birds
ka-ha-ka-ha kuk-kuk-KUK | Translation: I’ve got nothing against European starlings. They should just go back where they belong.
List: Other HUD Terms Secretary Ben Carson Finds Confusing
FEDERAL HOUSING ADMINISTRATION (FHA): A liberal conspiracy to make everyone live in hippy communes.
Incomplete Drafts of My Cover Letter for a Summer Internship
Dear Joan, I looked up your name on LinkedIn---because that’s how much I care about this job. I seriously need you to hire me.
Welcome to Nextdoor Fight Club, Where You Must Turn Every Topic into a Fight
Rule 3. There are no limits to the number of people in a fight. The nature of our discussion board means that 15-100 people will typically join in.
List: Ready-to-Use Instagram Copy for the Contemporary American Female Yogi
Let go. Really, just let go. The truth will come. Sometimes a fart will come. A fart is just another kind of truth. #yogaeverydamnday
List: Maybe She’s Born With It. Maybe…
Maybe she's born with it. Maybe she reads the whole New Yorker article instead of giving up after the third paragraph like some people I could mention.