List: Offensive Tweets From Jerk Birds
ka-ha-ka-ha kuk-kuk-KUK | Translation: I’ve got nothing against European starlings. They should just go back where they belong.
Tag: Expressions
List: Other HUD Terms Secretary Ben Carson Finds Confusing
FEDERAL HOUSING ADMINISTRATION (FHA): A liberal conspiracy to make everyone live in hippy communes.
Incomplete Drafts of My Cover Letter for a Summer Internship
Dear Joan, I looked up your name on LinkedIn---because that’s how much I care about this job. I seriously need you to hire me.
Welcome to Nextdoor Fight Club, Where You Must Turn Every Topic into a Fight
Rule 3. There are no limits to the number of people in a fight. The nature of our discussion board means that 15-100 people will typically join in.
List: Ready-to-Use Instagram Copy for the Contemporary American Female Yogi
Let go. Really, just let go. The truth will come. Sometimes a fart will come. A fart is just another kind of truth. #yogaeverydamnday
List: Maybe She’s Born With It. Maybe…
Maybe she's born with it. Maybe she reads the whole New Yorker article instead of giving up after the third paragraph like some people I could mention.
List: In This House, We Say Merry Christmas
When other people say, "Could you point me towards the restroom? Please hurry, I really have to go," we say, “Merry Christmas."
Robotics Team Totally Not Fucking the Robot
“Why does it have breasts?” Uh, women have breasts, okay? i-Rene is obviously female, duh! I mean we named her i-Rene.
How to Let Your Child Know You’re Not Mad She Wants to Be an English Major, Just Disappointed
When she says she'll study “lesbian themes in Dickinson,” raise your eyebrows to remind her “your brother studied computer science and has a 401K.”
A Massive Storm is Barreling Down on my Family and Conversation with Them Has Never Been Easier
This storm has brought my brother out of the bomb shelter to face his family to then grab them and bring them back into the bomb shelter.