Where the Wild Things Have a 3-Day Work Week — A little boy goes to bed without his supper because he questioned the authority of the party.

If You Give a Mouse a Cookie, He’ll Ask for Everyone Else to Also Get a Cookie — If everyone else also gets a cookie, they’ll ask for fringe benefits.

Everyone Poops Their Quota — Stakhanov poops more than his quota and becomes an idol to many.

Capitalist George — An orphaned monkey from the jungle is acculturated to life in the US of A where he learns that the accumulation of capital is an end in itself.

The Little Engine That Had Better Not Blow It for the Collective — Failure is not an option.

Goodnight Moon, Good Morning Historical Materialism — Goodnight conflict theory. Goodnight modes of production. Goodnight lumpenproletariat.

James and the Giant Surplus — James sets sail on a giant wad of manufactured goods where the animals living inside teach him to artificially inflate prices by feigning scarcity. Also, he has mean aunts.

The Very Bourgeois Caterpillar — The Very Hungry Masses eat the Very Bourgeois Caterpillar.

Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Division of Labor — Alexander whines all day about how he donates his labor to the bourgeoisie but does not benefit from it in the form of capital.

The All-Too-Real Tollbooth — A bored boy named Milo meets a talking dog named Tock who explains that his boredom is actually the alienation that comes from being socialized in an industrialized society that claims to pay for roads then makes you pay an extra fee every time you use them.

Sylvester and the Material Pebble — Sylvester dies as a martyr to the working man and is never heard from again because there is no magic and there is no god.

The Social Consciousness Garden — 10-year-old Mary Lennox is imperialist scum who inherits a garden from her parents and refuses to share it with the people. She perishes in a brutal revolution.

Frog and Toad Are Comrades — Frog tries to wake up his friend Toad to the realities of class conflict.

Charlotte’s Wage Slavery — A spider named Charlotte convinces the farmer not to slaughter her friend, a pig named Wilbur, by organizing a general strike. The farmer perishes in a brutal revolution.

Harold and the Purple Commodity Fetish — Harold uses his purple crayon to create a world in which people actually use the goods they produce.

Pippi Long Stocking the Shelves for a Living Wage — Instacart, reimagined.

Mr. Popper’s Proletariat — Mr. Popper’s business self-cannibalizes when he raises prices such that the workers themselves can no longer afford them.

Green Eggs and Hegemony — Sam-I-Am tells a narrator that living under the rule of a foreign despot is superior to the grassroots government of his own people. Sam-I-Am perishes in a brutal revolution.


And now a quick joke...

I read that a shark will lose almost 1,000 teeth a year. And I thought I was forgetful.