Purge Ultime Face & Body Scrub — Begin your makeover with a properly cleansed skin. Our “Purge Ultime” Face & Body Scrub developed with the help of Eastern European witches not only get rid of dead skin and other impurities in a thorough manner, but will also eliminate the general feeling of shame that has accompanied your existence since puberty.

Joie Exubérante Body Butter — This luxuriant moisturizer enriched with the tears of joy of living panda bears and baby dolphins leaves you feeling silky-soft. Its indulgent texture with 48-hour moisturizing properties keeps you from wanting to get out of your skin and set it on fire whenever depression hits. Replenishes skin and self-worth.

Espoir Éternel Face Cream — Our refreshing and deliciously zesty face cream scented with a delicate blend of frangipani, neroli, and patchouli has been formulated to address the first signs of aging: wrinkles and borderline cynicism. Use after cleansing and toning, as part of your personalized skincare program. Also, have it at hand when browsing the news and social media.

Garde ta Merde Ensemble Concealer — Introducing a new make-up must-have for all skin types. Conceal skin imperfections and feelings of impending doom throughout the day with our 100% vegan Garde ta Merde Ensemble Concealer. Not everyone has to know how often you stare into the abyss.

Terre à Terre Eye Shadow —- “The eyes are the mirror of the soul and reflect everything that seems to be hidden; and like a mirror, they also reflect the person looking into them.” Our Paulo Coelho-inspired collection of eye shadows took his philosophy one step further: not only will your eyes reflect the persons looking into them, but our nude earthly palette will also compel you to call bullshit whenever you see… well… bullshit.

Noir Mystérieux Mascara — Though not waterproof, our mascara delivers clump-free volume and wears off in different colours depending on the situation: regular black for walking in the rain, blue for sobbing alone in the bathroom, and red for Halloween. This way, your coworkers will always know whether it’s a cry for help or just a fun go at a dramatic look, and won’t bother you with stupid questions and pity looks. Order now and you will also get our limited edition card with the catchy jingle “Maybe she’s born with it. Maybe it’s none of your fucking business.”

Estime de Soi Électrisante Lipstick — Talk about amazing! With a second-skin texture, this lipstick tases you whenever you’re about to smile politely despite feeling offended. For just $29.99 more, add our matching Estime de Soi Électrisante Lip Gloss, which keeps your lips from moving whenever you’re about to apologize for no reason. Both products are available in 100+ ultra-flattering age-appropriate shades.

Une Bouteille d'eau Water — Because no makeover is a true makeover if you don’t stay hydrated.