Surprise! We're the new bank that acquired the bank you use! Welcome to your new bank, MegaTrustBank! Don't let the “mega” part fool you, though. Even though we're from an unnamed major city that is not in your state and we have over five thousand branches from coast to coast, we're not “mega” as in “large”… we're “mega” as in “want your money.” MegaTrustBank—Give Us Your Money.
We're proud to announce that MegaTrustBank is now TrustTrust Bank! We're the new name for your old bank! Trust is more than just a word to us—it's a word we now use twice in our name. See how trustworthy we are? Also, we've decided that we started many years ago as a small bank in a small town in the state where you currently live! TrustTrust Bank—The Trustworthy Bank You Can Trust For All Your Banking Needs.
Introducing StableTrust Bank! After a series of high-profile bank closures on the West Coast, expensive market research has shown that we should rebrand to reflect how stable we are. We won't go out of business, pinky promise. As a banking entity, we've been in business for so long that George Washington was one of our first customers. When we asked him to show some identification so he could cash his check, he showed us a dollar bill. Anecdotal humor in our commercials implies stability, according to expensive market research. StableTrust Bank—Stable and Trustworthy Banking for Your Money.
TechNowLogy, a large technology firm from Silicon Valley, has acquired StableTrust Bank in order to add banking to their portfolio of businesses. They've decided to infuse StableTrust with their tech expertise, so your bank is now known as MyTechNowBanking. We're going all in for online banking! At MyTechNowBanking, we have the latest in technological intelligence backing us. Our cutting-edge app provides you with a one-stop digital location to handle all your banking needs, whether you're at the office, driving in your car, or sitting on the toilet. We understand, however, that some customers want to speak with an actual person, and would prefer to avoid online banking altogether. Don't worry! We'll still have physical locations conveniently near you! Once you enter your local branch, you'll see several large TV screens on the back wall. Simply touch a screen and you'll be able to talk to a virtual banking associate who will be able to assist you in downloading the MyTechNowBanking app to your phone. MyTechNowBanking—Download Our App Today! Do It! Right Now!
As luck would have it, TechNowLogy got tangled up in some Bitcoin malfeasance and went bankrupt. As a result, the assets of MyTechNowBanking were purchased by a Texas chain of convenience stores looking to diversify. Say “Howdy y'all” to your new bank: Big Star Shop ‘N Bank! Big Star is known across the South as the Disney Land of convenience stores, so it's the best of both worlds! Rows of snacks and candy! Checks cashed! Two hundred flavors of shaved ice! 401K advice! Doughnuts! Loan applications! And look, there's Beary, Big Star's smiling bear mascot! He's going to dance and sing a song for you! Now you can get your investment advice and a Beary t-shirt at the same location! Big Star Stop ‘N Bank—Big Snacks! Big Banking! Big Fun!
Venture capitalist, investment genius, and Shark Tank star Mark Cuban just purchased the banking assets of Big Star Stop ‘N Bank because he was bored. He's decided to rebrand the bank to better reflect his portfolio of businesses. Announcing… Bank. No more snacks or silly singing animals. Just banking. Look at our serious, yet soothing new logo: it's a triangle inside a square inside a circle. Or is it a circle inside a triangle inside a square? Doesn't matter. At Bank, we handle your banking needs in a serious, yet soothing manner. All our branches are decorated in the serious, yet soothing colors of tan, beige, and brown. You really feel like banking now, don't you? At Bank, our philosophy is simple: Your problem? Our solution. Your question? Our answer. Your money? It's in the Bank. Our Bank. Your Bank. Bank.
After extensive focus group research, it turns out that customers didn't have an emotional connection with the Bank brand, so Mark Cuban sold Bank to a large banking conglomerate. Now that we're part of a dedicated banking company again, market studies have shown us that our customers want the trustworthiness of a large, well-known bank. A bank with a familiar and respected name. As a result, we're pleased to say: Welcome back to MegaTrustBank.