Times are tough. There’s no denying that. This family has been through a hell of a lot and the hits just keep on coming. But instead of focusing on what we don’t have, let’s all take a moment to remember what we do have: this remarkable, yet surprisingly affordable, 13” kitchen chef's knife.

Yes, times are definitely tough, but we can all take comfort in the fact that there’s nothing tougher than a Damascus blade that’s been welded, hammered and forged repeatedly to achieve maximum toughness. Yes, quarantine is hard, but is it 55 HRC on the Rockwell scale? Not even close.

I know you’re hurting. We’re all hurting. Which is why we need to stick together, much like these beautiful hardwood scales and the brass pins they’re fastened with. There’s no separating them, or us, or your mother from that half-empty bottle of Shiraz I brought home twenty minutes ago.

I know we can do it. We’re strong. Superior epoxy for lifetime durability strong. Ok, maybe not that strong, but still very strong. On the same level as this hand-casted brass bolster that I’m massaging with the same tenderness that I massage my aching eyeballs after a long, sleepless night filled with existential dread. That kind of strong.

Billy. Yes. I’m talking to you, son.

Can you please put the tablet down for a second? I’d like to show you how sunlight just dances off these 200 layers of stratified steel. Kinda looks like flowing water, doesn’t it? Or a vast, bottomless ocean of human tears? Extraordinary. Daddy may have lost his job a week before Christmas, but this finely-fashioned blade will never lose its sharpness… or the rest of its hair… or its will to live.

Fifteen straight days of binge drinking vodka mixed with your sister’s Kool-Aid is nothing when you consider the centuries it took to hone, and ultimately perfect, the forging techniques that were used to create this superb piece of expert craftsmanship. It’s a testament to human ingenuity, as well as the occasional paperweight for that stack of bills in the kitchen we have absolutely no way of paying.

But don’t worry! All’s not lost. We can get through this rough patch if we set our minds to it. We just need to focus on something positive. You know, think of something else for a change. I know! We can try a fun new family activity! Doesn’t that sound nice? There’s lots of things we can do: learn a new board game, go for walks in the country, take an online fitness class, bake cookies for our neighbors, apply liberal amounts of vegetable oil to our extremities and store ourselves in a cool, dry place to prevent rust from developing on our skin and yes, I’m still talking about the knife.

Speaking of the knife, did I mention it also comes with a certified lifetime limited warranty? Incredible, right?

I know, I know. I’m starting to ramble. I can see you rolling your eyes, so I’m going to cut to the chase faster than this incredible culinary carver can cut through a child-resistant prescription pill bottle that I can no longer open with my hands because they shake too much.

Basically, what I’m trying to say is this: life may not be perfect, but a quality 13” kitchen chef's knife that retails for the unbelievably low price of $147 comes pretty damn close.

Now, would you mind carefully placing it back in this hand-stitched knife bag, which just so happens to be made of 100% genuine Italian leather? Daddy needs to go to the washroom and stare at the wall for the next seven or eight hours.


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