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Presidents are coming along nicely. I watched as a tiny Grover Cleveland push, push, pushed his way out of a synthetic eggshell.
"It’s a Wonderful Life When Compared to Everyone Else at This Bar" - George Bailey's guardian angel offers perspective.
My dead eyes do not say, “Someone help me! Management won’t let me retire!”
Am I not a multi-million dollar painting too? I’m tired of listening to tour guides only talk about Starry Night.
It's the second night that gets tricky. That's when the bats come.
PARTIALLY CORRECT. Trapper Keepers were rad. However, Krista never “shared” one with you.
I myself voraciously advocated for firings to appease investors after guaranteeing that quarterly revenue would increase by “infinity” dollars.
What Ben saw in Liz in line at Sweetgreen is what I see in America every single day.
Picture a spider eating a child, but now it’s wearing a tasteful little beret. People will ask, “Wow is that spider French?”
We applaud you for giving us something to do with our hands other than ball them up or masturbate.
I'm advancing science entire centuries without bumping into any serious questions of morality and ethics. How unbelievable is that?
Oh, how literary I look! Scribbling furiously in my leather-bound Moleskine notebook with a free hotel pen!