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Forward to 10 coworkers to lay them off for us, or get 9 years bad luck in your job search. 👋🍑
Try to get to the airport a few days early if traveling during the summer flying season.
I'll be honest, I expected to hate you. I thought our relationship would be filled with searing pain, occasional blood, and lots of tears.
Our universe needs a leader who will fight for you, and I am confident I will be that leader.
The average American couldn’t even locate their core, even if it was part of their own body, which it most definitely is.
The man drains my battery from the second he wakes up to the second he falls asleep, leaving only a few hours for me to charge overnight.
The whole restaurant glares as you fling your body away from the table like you’re protecting the commander-in-chief.
The 2-Month Regression: Your baby is developing so fast! Too fast, actually.
I am not entirely sure why I was so confident that this February would have an extra day.
Lately you’ve become… extremely cluttered. And not in a quirky, millennial-bookstore way.
It was a tough decision to resign from plugging images looking my most beautiful on the best day of my life, but something I finally felt ready to do.
I don't want to keep this depression seasonal anymore. I’m ready to be your year-round crisis.