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There is no need for me to use fancy equipment or creams. I do not belong in Hollywood. That is not my natural habitat.
My sticker is hilarious because instead of a normie cartoon of my nonexistent wife and darling children, I’ve got two big guns.
Due to an unexpected internal error, Micro haft Word i pre ently unable to di play the letter " ."
I decide not to say “please” or “thank you” and I’m immediately pummeled to death by a diner waitress.
Pancakes?! Why not mashed potatoes? Who makes pancakes for dinner, especially Thanksgiving dinner?
Office Hours: By appointment only, instructor often scavenges the Wastes during daylight hours.
Be prepared to answer questions like, “What about all of those blurry photos he left on my phone?”
Does this calendar actually work, since your new year's resolution was "do not grow as a person?"
I’ve given up hope when I see the cabinet door swing open, and your big, dumb hand comes lurching toward me.
Labor Day - Here’s what they won’t tell you about Karl Marx: He’s a daddy!
Our bar trivia is not—and I can’t stress this enough—fun. Think: the SATs. Think: your driver’s exam—the one you had to study for.
I also thought this was a temp gig until the pandemic was over. Or, well, over enough now, I guess?