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I feel like such an idiot. How many times did I tell myself, “make sure you turn off the lights, lock the front door, and put out the grease fire."
Heather was a total warrior throughout. Every time I saw what she was going through, I was in total awe. Like… Wow. Women are strong.
I do feel this horrible event on a visceral and personal level, like way worse than how anyone else is feeling it, for sure.
Rise and grind, baby! And by that, I mean use an angle grinder to try and remove my court-mandated tracking bracelet.
If they have a mentor over the age of sixty who spends most of their day wearing robes, then you are dealing with an absolute keeper.
I’m gonna order the Chomperoo 3-in-1 Soother Chewer through the Amazon app real quick and then Jeffrey “watch me burn money as literal rocket fuel” Bezos can take a hike!
I suppose death could be right around the corner for us... In the movie, of course!
These tactics will work even if you’ve never spoken to a woman in your life—whether you’re a defrocked priest, or just a little shy.
I cannot help but feel like the law is on the side of the cold-blooded decapods of this world who travel willy-nilly from shell to shell.
You won’t get holidays off, but aren’t you sick of spending Thanksgiving with your cheugy cousins anyway?
The publishing world has always had a bias against writers who have never actually written anything.
Having many strangers come to my home was a poorly thought-out concept, and adding alcohol to the mix surely would have created hellfire.