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Squirrel Police Department dispatch received a call from a squirrel who said he wasn't sure, but it seemed like he was being shadowed by a red-tailed hawk.
Don’t leave any emotions or aesthetic experiences on exposed surfaces overnight.
We wanted to let you know how deeply we were moved by your generous mandatory contribution. 30% of your base income… It was just what we wanted!
Somewhere, up in the cloud someplace, there is a benevolent being that can let you back into your SubzScription account.
Ma, you hear that? The boys say hi. They're blowing kisses too. Joe "Ice Pick" Angelini says thank you for the chicken cacciatore.
All contracted writers agree to verbally and casually mention to their friends that password sharing is "cringe."
Speaking like this to my mom and bestie is just kind of my aesthetic? Does that make sense? It doesn’t? Well, whatever. I didn’t write this movie.
I’ve got everything lined up so this grilling experience won’t be sullied by past mistakes. Remember the infamous Frankless Fourth of July?
Eaten an Oreo without twisting it open and gnawing out the cream; just bit right into that motherfucker.
Honestly, I don’t know what I’m more excited for: a new Transformers movie or this brand new swimming pool I’m having put in my backyard.
Wait, no, maybe it was his wife who killed his business partner? I don’t know-- someone died, is the gist of it.
There wasn’t a single awkward pause, which is rare because I get anxious when I talk to a search engine I want to optimize.