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"Take thy breakfast and cast it before Dad, and it shall become a mess upon the floor.” And Child and Toddler did as the LORD commanded.
I offered to shapeshift so that I look exactly like Kevin or even just wear a baseball cap if it would be helpful.
While on the outside I look like I spent a past life as a lava lamp, my insides are as square as an actuary’s lunch box.
I want to feed my cell phone to an alligator without causing the alligator any digestive issues.
Podcasting: In your 2 AM hunt for distraction, you stumble on a fun fact. Did you know that platypuses are blue and green under ultraviolet light?
I understand that this neighborhood has changed in recent years, and to some, my frontage looks “ironically shambolic” or “intentionally distressed.”
I would think this would be first-three-date territory, even. Instead, you decided to mention it a decade into our relationship.
This newsletter is put together by VOLUNTEERS in Shelly's basement sewing room and it's hard for us to keep up with ALL OF YOUR MANY, MANY QUESTIONS!
Why do Barenaked Ladies’ experienced lawyers continue sending me documents entitled “SLIP AND FALL LAWSUIT, THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOUR BAND”?
People I trusted to think through issues started quoting slogans I didn’t understand. “The dead are better off remaining dead,” they would say.
“Everything must come to an end.” Did I just tell you I’m dying, or that I finished The Legend of Zelda?
Instead of a 007 who is handsome, smooth, and combat-trained, what if we went with a 40-year-old guy who is allergic to bees.