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Being a "nice guy" is very difficult. So I have designed the following 10 guidelines to offer comfort, hope, and advice to all my fellow struggling nice guys.
You know something is up when the Walmart coffee is unusually fresh, and the deli features sliced human flesh of "those who dare disobey us" for $4.49/lb.
History will show, and has shown, that the "good" have always been those who conquer, screw over, and suppress. It's what comes naturally.
Witchcraft was sketchy and intimidating to most preschoolers in the 90’s, but I wasn’t a little bitch so it was a huge turn-on to me. That's why Sabrina makes the list.
I think what you saw in your head must have been a bloody, horrific uprising in a non-specific distant incarnation of the East Coast in which the government rules all.
“You’re not on Twitter!?” People look at me like I still have Tom in my Top 8. Suddenly I’m Stone Age, old school, even a little rebellious. I’m an outcast, a recluse.
I’m Washing My Butt! I’m Washing My Balls! Dogs are Gay! Humans can stiff my Litterbox! Cat Scratch Feces! Give you Brain Damage! I Hate Fish! I Hate Birds!
We can all look back at ourselves and choose to regret or be embarrassed by what we've done, or we can say, "I met a lot of interesting people in that cult."
You thought you saw the perfect finale, but what about the one where Phoebe goes on Jeopardy and accidentally says the word "sniggers" live on air?
White guys don't seem to understand that, as a black guy, I probably only want to honestly steal your girlfriend about 10% of the time. Keep an open mind, dudes.
We go behind the hockey mask and get under Freddy’s fingernails with horror’s top five sexiest male psychopaths, including Christian Bale, Jeremy Renner, and Gaspard Ulliel.
Should I run down to the corner store, endure the judgmental gaze of Marlene the cock-eyed clerk who works the night shift, to buy a box of condoms? Or just wing it?