This list reflects my opinions so don't get pissed if your childhood favorites didn't make the cut. Also, keep in mind that I was never over the age of 6 in the 90's, so my taste in women during this decade was slightly different than it is now.

10. Loonette the Clown (The Big Comfy Couch)


I'm not usually the type to be physically attracted to clowns, but Loonette the Clown was a total babe on the lowest of keys. Her face was only about a 6 at best, but her flexibility was immaculate and she had every real 90's kid spread-eagle on the living room floor pretending to be an analog clock. A true pioneer for female clowns trying to make it big in life, Loonette "clocks" in at number 10.

9. Sabrina (Sabrina, the Teenage Witch)


Witchcraft was sketchy and intimidating to most preschoolers in the 90's, but I wasn't a little bitch so it was a huge turn-on to me. Sabrina might have constantly wreaked havoc on everyone around her, but she also constantly showed serious levels of cleavage, which was a new and exciting treat for my young eyes. (Her Aunt Zelda was also bad.)

8. Regina "Reggie" Rocket (Rocket Power)

Regina Rocket

I'm not 100% sure that Reggie was attracted to the male gender, but my childhood crush on her was indisputable. Most 90's kids ignorantly assumed she was a "ratchet hoe" because she had purple dreadlocks and was nicknamed after a low-grade strain of marijuana, but in reality, Reggie Rocket was kind-hearted, intelligent, and freakishly athletic.

7. Olga Pataki (Hey Arnold)

Olga Pataki

Helga Pataki's older, less obsessive, and much hotter sister, Olga comes in at number 7 on the list. Olga was a whiny and obnoxious perfectionist but she gave off "sexy school girl" vibes that were TOO irresistible. Most of my kindergarten friends wrote her off because she was a "prude ass bitch" but I wasn't a simple-minded pig so that didn't stop me from crushing on her. Despite being a selfish brat with 8 total fingers and a schizophrenic sister, Olga Pataki found a way to sneak onto my Top 10 list.

6. Linda Ellerbee (Nick News with Linda Ellerbee)

Linda Ellerbee

When this gorgeous face popped up on the TV screen it was a major disappointment for most 90's kids, but not me. She may have destroyed the "good cartoon vibes" for the majority of children, but I loved watching this fine piece of ass deliver the news. The way she got down and dirty and asked the hard-hitting questions in her news segments was wildly sexy to me. I looked at her the way Ron Burgundy looked at Veronica Corningstone for the first time.

5. Dina Alexander (Salute Your Shorts)

Dina Alexander

Every little boy in the 90's would agree that Dina was not only the baddest bitch at Camp Anawanna, but she was also one of the finest young thots in all of 90's television.

4. Deborah Thornberry (The Wild Thornberrys)

Deborah Thornberry

Debbie Thornberry was BAD. Her attitude was fierce and she had the confidence and swagger to back it up. She also pulled off the crop top/plaid shirt combo better than anyone in the game. She couldn't communicate with animals like her sister but she also wasn't a hideous ginger with repulsive horse teeth and braces, so who cares?

3. Summer Sanders (Figure It Out)

Summer Sanders

Every true 90's kid's ultimate fantasy was getting "slimed" by the almighty Summer Sanders. Before she was dousing pre-teen boys and girls with green ooze for a living, this bombshell game show host was an Olympic gold medalist swimmer, which made her even more attractive to me.

2. Aunt Becky (Full House)

Aunt Becky

Aunt Becky had that CAKE, and I'm not talkin' baked desserts. Not only did she manage to score John Stamos, but she scored my 6-year-old heart as well. While most of my young peers swooned over Michelle Tanner's basic ass, I was falling for this California dime piece. She was witty, sarcastic, well-educated, and she managed to stay sexy at ALL times, even when she was pregnant with twins.

1. Patti Mayonnaise (Doug)

Patti Mayonnaise

Patricia Mayonnaise had the JUICE.  Most boys considered her to be average looking, but I wasn't a superficial piece of shit like other kids so I knew from the jump that she was the complete package. She was exceptionally smart, compassionate, and an absolute force on the beetball field. I was most attracted to her exclusiveness, though. She wasn't easy like the other hoes at Bluffington School. She was strong, independent, and she friendzoned the SHIT out of Doug, which made me want her even more.

Honorable Mentions

Ms. Fizzle (The Magic School Bus)

Topanga (Boy Meets World)

The Pink Ranger (Power Rangers)

Magenta (Blue's Clues)

Bubbles (The Powerpuff Girls)

Kelly Kapowski (Saved by the Bell)

Lisa Turtle (Saved by the Bell)

Clarissa (Clarissa Explains it All)

Bill Nye (Bill Nye the Science Guy)

Shelby Woo (The Mystery Files of Shelby Woo)