Humor writing published daily. Featured: Best of Year | Editors’ Picks | People’s Favorites | Satire | Guides | Observations | Stories
The rapidly-swirling vortex of alcohol intensifies as a large mass of Corona streams in from the southwest, touching off tens of banana daiquiris in its deadly wake.
What if going to the doctor was like getting your car washed? You drive in and latch your tires on those rails and the conveyor pulls you into that tunnel.
I've come here to talk about a small bird that flew into my car. He seemed nice at first, and I even thought he was kind of handsome, but then all hell broke loose.
I'm in love with you Martha, and I know that must be hard to hear, even though I'm projecting my omnipotent voice clearly into your subconscious.
Some of these cosplays are "sexy," some of them are damned impressive, but all of them are just cool to me. And that's what makes this list important.
Have you ever thought to yourself, “Why do I have to die?” Well, let me be the first to tell you that you’re not alone in your morbid fascination with your own mortality.
Whether it's a Hunger Games DVD, or your grandma into a crowd-surfing situation, there are much better things you can toss out at a reception than a bouquet.
You've just met a cute guy and you're wondering: Is he a scary man with the potential to one day angry-murder you, or is he actually (gasp!) into you?
If you're an ugly mythical creature and sick of hiding, I suggest you simply reveal your identity; I can almost guarantee that you will only gain from this exposure.
Why squander this opportunity to be a real life millionaire; a king of kings! And I'll take a big, steaming dump on top of my empty-headed uncle's grave while I'm at it.
My annyoing-ass suitemate Pauline thinks Amy's experienced massive brain hemorrhaging. I think she's just experienced a socially-conscious awakening.
The Donald's hair is perfect as a tiny scale model of the Siberian tundra, illustrating the catastrophic results of a scorched earth policy in the Napoleonic invasion of Russia.