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Gary, I've called you into HR today not because you defecated onto Mr. Peters’ desk, but because you clearly didn’t even make an attempt to wash your hands afterward.
So you were still cheating on me, you were drinking again, and you killed me! Did I leave anything out, you jerk? Now look where you've gotten us!
With so many email sign-offs to choose from, none of which bear any relation to the way you talk in real life, even to ladybirds and Mormons, which should you opt for?
There’s no one formula for love. That being said, we’re looking for naturally or surgically beautiful women in the IQ range of 70-89 with oblique abdominals.
One has many obstacles to surmount when constructing the proper peanut butter (PB) and jelly (J) sandwich. Failure to plan properly may result in dangerous consequences.
Suck & Fuck does not belong to anyone. It is a car-based, non-profit sexual marathon open to all members of the public, so long as they adhere to the rules.
"Eating an occasional value meal is fine, but super-sizing it simply puts you and others in danger," a Big Mac spokesman elaborated.
Monks used to represent every lifestyle I could only dream about and deride myself for being too unfocused to embrace. Now I just feel bad for extreme lifestyle people.
What can one do when legitimately tasked with explaining an abstract concept to a woman of demonstrably inferior intelligence?
Breaking up with someone can be extremely painful—I should know, I watched it happen on TV once. Here are the realistic feelings to expect and actions to take.
Whatever happened to boiling people in oil? Or the guillotine, or hot lead, or stoning people? Now you have to go to Saudi Arabia for good old-fashioned executions.
There's no one thing that's bugging me about the death cult; it just seems like every few days another annoyance breaches the surface, and they're starting to add up.