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You really have to help me, Batman. My friend Jeff has a stray cat problem that could only ever be solved by the world's greatest K9 detective, Ace the Bat-Hound.
Though millennials are more likely to encounter images of snakes online than Gen Xers, they are far less likely to touch one with their own hands.
It was on my twelfth “cheat” sign-in to a dating site when I saw something that seemed utterly impossible: I matched with myself.
Comrade General Kok Suk Lee said writing letters is a good idea. Appeal to the capitalist lackeys in their Satanic Homelands, he said. I hope he's right.
I think it’s the two “U’s” when I type "vacuum" that turns my knuckles white and makes the hairs on my hands stand up. Oh, and the noise.
You don't need to write me a poem or say something witty, but if you're boring I can't help myself: I'm going to mess with you.
Going for that peak-psycho ugly-cry in a public place surrounded by crazy sports fans probably isn't going to score you any "girlfriend points."
Here's the problem with your skateboarders: they make it look too easy. Let me attempt to skateboard and faceplant all over the place, for the ratings.
You are cordially invited to the grand opening of Café Douchebag, the hottest restaurant openly pandering to the douchebag lifestyle.
Sometimes two people stop talking to each other, and there isn't even a big argument at the end. They just avoid each other, forever.
Although You and your Son continue to get rave reviews, you're nothing but a supernatural dog and pony show. A metaphysical scam of Biblical proportions.
Points in Case polled 285 online participants immediately following tonight's townhall presidential debate in St. Louis. The results are surprising.