Humor writing published daily. Featured: Best of Year | Editors’ Picks | People’s Favorites | Satire | Guides | Observations | Stories
You only made $200 this week, yet you STILL let your friends drag you here?
I need your support to create an America where I, as President, never have to make direct eye-contact with any of you
During my second dinner, Francis told me that we needed to “ration our food better.” I was so taken aback by this.
For starters, you named your dog Sausage. If your dog was a dachshund, this moniker might make sense.
Changing what you look like on the outside won’t change how you feel on the inside, but it’s still a ton of fun to adjust your avatar’s clothes.
If you were one character from Lord of the Rings, who would you be? I’d be Gandalf because, like he says, “a wizard is never late,” lol.
Patients need to smash that so my bosses can track the popularity of this service, which will result in more financial support from our advertisers.
We’re looking for a problem-solver with a team-centered approach and supernatural powers.
Instead of throwing your funds away on selfish pursuits, this new program ensures your precious headcanon stays intact.
I know one of you grown adults would never leave exploded beef stroganoff all over the microwave.
I was awoken by the sounds of you two screaming at each other. People make less noise being shanked in the shower.
The person who left the initial voicemail saying, “Come to the lab immediately?” That’s Dave 7.