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The suits on Capitol Hill are scared of an everyday American taking two of our country's greatest pursuits, knives, and recreational explosives.
Did you receive Venmo payments from your ex (Handle @MattDereklol46) AFTER you broke up on July 23, 2021?
I would pet little dogs, big dogs, toy dogs, and dogs that don’t even look like dogs. Boring dogs. Cool dogs. Hot dogs. All the dogs.
Look, airplanes shouldn’t be constantly flying around a building in the first place.
Or the words are about something I feel self-conscious about, like my underbite or my current living situation with my parents.
Is this yet another quarrel with your wife about your infidelity? Or an ass-backwards attempt to punish a blasphemous hero?
Our rubber chickens—and indeed our entire portfolio of goofs and gags—have lost their context. Dare I say, they are no longer funny.
Take some deep breaths and be mindful that there are several levels to the destruction you have wrought upon the one livable place we humans are aware of.
Cancel culture is holding back the next Great American Novel, groundbreaking works of political theory, and my Wednesday afternoon lunch.
So wait, I can’t meet with you/speak to you/copulate with you without a loyalty card? Unfortunately not!
It's time to recognize my artistry, distinguished contributions to world cinema, and unparalleled ability to blow shit up without dismembering anyone.
Being stuck in character as STREET PUNK #5 for almost forty years has caused me more than a bit of grief.