- Did you receive a stimulus payment (Notice 1444-C or Letter 6475)?
- Did you receive wages (Form W-2)?
- Did you receive state and city refunds (Form 1099-G)?
- Did you receive Venmo payments from your ex (Handle @MattDereklol46) AFTER you broke up on July 23, 2021?
- If “Yes,” were the Venmo payments for previously shared household items, or was it just Matt Johnston trying to get your attention and/or apologize via Venmo caption because you blocked him on every other social media platform?
- You did block him on everything else, right?
- Even LinkedIn?
- If “Yes”: Hell yes, Girlboss!
- Even LinkedIn?
- Did you have any changes in dependents this year?
- Did your marital status change during the fiscal year? (Sorry girl, they made me ask.)
- Did your address change during the fiscal year? (This is a formality question—I already know you moved into a sad one-bedroom.)
- Address: ______________
- Invitation to visit for a “Gals, Gab and Gulp” wine night: ________________
- Did any member of your household have healthcare coverage through the Marketplace (Obamacare)?
- If “Yes,” provide copies of Form 1095-A
- Didn’t Matt Derek have good insurance through his job? Like, no deductible, vision included?
- If “Yes,” are you sooo upset you’re not going to get on his insurance plan?
- Didn’t you two date for a while?
- If “Yes,” please provide wedding invitations to friends who dated for less time than you and Matt.
- Did you receive any tips not reported by your employer?
- Did you receive any tips from your friends not reported by your boyfriend (i.e. Matt Derek went to the movies with Theresa K, even though he told you he was working out. You know this because your friend Katy’s cousin’s best friend saw them in the back row together.)
- Did you receive income or incur expenses associated with car sharing (e.g. Lyft or Uber)?
- Did you receive income or incur expenses associated with Freelancing (e.g. Upwork or TaskRabbit)?
- Did you receive income or incur expenses associated with a fantasy sports league?
- If “Yes,” sooo embarrassing. Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone how down bad you were.
- Did you work out of town at any time during the year?
- If “Yes,” do you think Theresa K came over to your shared apartment? Sooo shitty if “yes.”
- Did you purchase a boat or vehicle during the year?
- Did you donate a boat or vehicle during the year?
- If “Yes,” attach Form 1098-C and please mail it directly to Matt Derek—like imagine his face reading that. So funny. Do you want his address? I have it on file.
- Did you receive Social Security benefits during the year? “Gals, Gab and Gulp” wine night can count towards this.
- Did you own property in a foreign country?
- Did you know Matt Derek checked yes on this box?
- If “No,” it’s in Portugal and it’s recent.
- Do you want to know who he bought it with?
- If “Yes,” it’s Theresa K.
- Did you know Matt Derek checked yes on this box?
- Did you cash any US savings bonds during the year?
- Did you cash any emotional bonds during the year?
- Are you sad?
- Is your mom sad?
- Do you think Matt’s mom is sad?
- Who kept the dog?
- Is the dog sad?
- Do you think you’ll love again?
- May your IRS agent (me) discuss this form with Kathy in accounting at $5 margarita night?
- If “No”… please?
- In the past year, did you purchase a new hybrid, alternative motor, or electric motor energy-efficient vehicle post break up to pique Matt Derek’s attention?
- If “Yes,” did it work?
- If “Yes,” how well? Like “back together” well or just, like, he texted you about it?
- If “Yes,” do you like the car?
- If “Yes,” would I like the car?
- If “Yes,” I’ve been thinking about getting a hybrid.
- Did you know Theresa K has one?
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