August 3rd, 1914

Dearest Edith,

I have been away at war for a week now. It was a nice boat trip over with my boys. We had plenty of beers and the boys hit on the nurses. But I stuck to the drink. Don’t get me wrong, some of these nurses are total smoke shows, but I left them for my boys. I was a hell of a wingman though, got Jonesy laid twice. The boys started calling me Wingman cuz of that.

It’ll be a fun few years!

Charles ‘Wingman’ Phillips

August 16th, 1914

Dearest Edith,

We ship off to France today. The boys and I are pretty pumped as we heard French chicks will take off their brassiere on the second date. Sergeant Henderson totally rode our asses about getting drunk every night this week, since we ship out so soon. He’s a total boner-killer.

Anyways, we’ll be on the front lines in about a week. Can’t wait to murder some German pussies.

Keep that ass nice and hot for me,
Chuck ‘Wingman’ Phillips

August 31st, 1914

Dear Edith,

I don’t know what you heard from the other soldier’s wives, but it’s not true. The boys were just having a laugh when they said I caught gonorrhea from that nurse. I didn’t even sleep with her, babe. And look, you might hear that I’m in the medic’s tent, but it's not because of gonorrhea. It’s because of trench rot.

Just to be safe though, might be worth getting yourself checked.

Chucky ‘Wingman’ ‘Cock-Rot’ Phillips

September 27th, 1914

Dear Edy,

We had a week off in Bruges this week. Got absolutely wasted with the boys, and some of the French fellas, and a couple British dudes. Good dudes. I won the shotgun contest. Don’t worry, that was nothing to do with guns. It’s this new thing where you drill a hole in a beer glass and then see who can drink it fastest. Real big in Europe. I chugged mine in about a second flat.

All the boys said it was real impressive and something that has a lot of value. Guess what I’ll be doing at every party from now on regardless of occasion or how hard it is to get beer out of carpet.

Catch you later babe,
Chaz ‘Wingman’ ‘Cock-Rot’ Phillips, Shotgun Champion

November 4th, 1914

Edy Baby,

Sorry it’s been a hot minute since I wrote you last. Some of the other boys have been getting some nice pictures from their wives, if you know what I mean. Don't make me spell it out. I wanna pic of your Tafts, babe. A tintype of your Woodrow Wilsons. Your  T I T S.

Come on I don’t want to be feeling left out when we all sit around the mess table and all the boys are showing off the pictures they got from their girls, you got to send one.

Also I might be dishonorably discharged soon, as a bunch of us abandoned our post last weekend. Apparently, we were supposed to defend against an incoming force that ended up slaughtering a bunch of civilians. But what were we supposed to do, not go party? It was the weekend, and Saturdays are for the boys!

Hit me up with that picture,
Chaz the Wingman, Shotgun Champ

January 3rd, 1915, 0200 hours


I’m drunk.

Come thru babe.

I'm in France come onnnnn, I got that good dick, you know?

Come thru.

I’ll leave the tent unlocked.