Europe

Tag: Europe

Remind yourself that you don’t even like Aperol that much and that everyone who says they do is probably lying, at least a little.

Are you picturing the powder keg? Think back to the last time you went out to sea and needed to bring a large amount of gunpowder.

“Merci,” I respond. “Incroyable,” the driver says, slowly taking off his sunglasses, “You really know your stuff.”

I don’t know why you are laughing and saying, “sure man, okay” when I relate to you that I had stunning paramours in every major city in Europe.

So utterly immersive, so totally believable, so deeply transporting that you just might think you are in Sin City.

Step Five: Start having doubts about your tattoo, which is looking more and more like a colorable stencil on a paper placemat for kids

In Paris, we cry. In Paris we drink too much and enter the wrong apartment, accidentally sleeping in the wrong bed. That’s Paris.

Now, I should say that I don’t speak Spanish, but I do speak un poquito Spanish. Is that bueno with everyone?

My mask's jerky hole? Yes, what’s that? It’s a hole for eating jerky. I don’t think that works. Please don’t. Oh, you’re showing me already.

Have a visible breakfast of two croissants, orange juice, and a glass of red wine on Zoom. Complain how you had to make the croissants by hand.

How am I supposed to get people to think I’m cultured and experienced if I don’t have the selfies with European landmarks to prove it?

Have you been sculpting a triumphal arch, but can’t nail the reliefs? Are you hammering away at that sarcophagus, but the measurements are all off?