5:00 AM -- Catching the sunrise? Driving to hockey practice? This is the third least-late time ever invented!
Fragrant blueberry bush behind the cabin where you tossed your urine-soaked sleeping bag in a panic to get rid of the evidence.
Rise and grind, baby! And by that, I mean use an angle grinder to try and remove my court-mandated tracking bracelet.
I only have dry toast. Hope you like millet bread. I’ll just cut the mold off, and we’ll be good to go.
“Bite the bullet!” -- I am directing Rambo 6 and Sylvester Stallone is being very disobedient.
Spider 8 was banned from Goodreads for her particularly scathing review of Jonathan Franzen’s latest novel.
The moments you awaken me in a slight (erotic) panic when you bunch up and crush my windpipe are some of the greatest memories of my adult life.
Construction Soundscapes: - Indoor: Hammering, Banging, Drilling - Indoor/Outdoor: Reverberating Machine Humming (Origin Unknown)
I was going through your photos, which– Stop screaming, you know you have nothing incriminating.
All My Fucks graduated from Shame University in 1998 with high honors.
The cool thing about being grateful is that any time you sense a challenge, you can thank it, and then you win.
Seriously, I cannot keep having these sales, because the last guy just bought a bajillion mattresses and we had no idea what to do with them.