Every Time, Ranked by Lateness
5:00 AM -- Catching the sunrise? Driving to hockey practice? This is the third least-late time ever invented!
Tag: Sleep
Aromas Everyone Will Remember from Sleepaway Camp
Fragrant blueberry bush behind the cabin where you tossed your urine-soaked sleeping bag in a panic to get rid of the evidence.
The Inspiring Productivity Secrets of Morning People
Rise and grind, baby! And by that, I mean use an angle grinder to try and remove my court-mandated tracking bracelet.
I Insist You Stay with Me, and You’re Going to Hate It
I only have dry toast. Hope you like millet bread. I’ll just cut the mold off, and we’ll be good to go.
Idioms and the Recurring Nightmares That Make Me Shout Them as I Wake Up
“Bite the bullet!” -- I am directing Rambo 6 and Sylvester Stallone is being very disobedient.
21 Surprising Facts about the Eight Spiders You Swallowed in Your Sleep Last Year
Spider 8 was banned from Goodreads for her particularly scathing review of Jonathan Franzen’s latest novel.
A Love Letter to My Weighted Blanket
The moments you awaken me in a slight (erotic) panic when you bunch up and crush my windpipe are some of the greatest memories of my adult life.
The Best White Noise App Just Got Better with City Sounds You’ll Love
Construction Soundscapes: - Indoor: Hammering, Banging, Drilling - Indoor/Outdoor: Reverberating Machine Humming (Origin Unknown)
It’s Me, the Hacker Who Broke into Your Phone, and I’m Staging an Intervention
I was going through your photos, which– Stop screaming, you know you have nothing incriminating.
An Obituary for All the Fucks I Had to Give
All My Fucks graduated from Shame University in 1998 with high honors.
A Crash Course on Practicing Gratitude
The cool thing about being grateful is that any time you sense a challenge, you can thank it, and then you win.
Wanted: Competent Mattress Store Employee
Seriously, I cannot keep having these sales, because the last guy just bought a bajillion mattresses and we had no idea what to do with them.